Loss of civility!

A newspaper editorial I found among my collection lamented the lack of the above as related to actions such as reckless driving, littering and annoying cellphones. The question was whether we need a law to prevent such disrespectful behavior. But how do you legislate thoughtfulness? Consider the amount of trash on so many freeways and city streets. There is a law against littering. All that trash is tossed out by people who have absolutely no concern for anyone else and costs Caltrans millions of dollars that could be used to fill potholes.

The editorial listed self-absorption, loss of community, a sense of being too crowded and the feeling of anonymity as some of the reasons for such blatant disregard for others. But where does this come from? It basically boils down to a culture that values interests other than the welfare of its citizens and glorifies self-indulgence and greed. As we have all been caught up in the whirlwind of consumerism, we are, more than ever, losing sight of the importance of modeling standards of behavior that promote civility and community.

Dana Chidekel, Ph.D. explains it well in her book, “Parents in Charge.” “You cannot create a kind child by simply explaining kindness to him. You cannot create a kind child simply by sending him to religious school and indoctrinating him in your religion’s values and principles. You cannot create a kind child by punishing him when he is unkind. If you want a child who is compassionate, treat him with compassion. If you want a child who is confused and conflicted, explain to him that he should be caring and generous toward others while you make it clear that you resent his needs.”

As standards of decency and manners are ignored, and we mindlessly give license to the producers of more and more movies, TV shows and computer games that glorify the aggressive, the crass, crude, vulgar, self-obsessed and egocentric, we are embracing the dark side of freedom of expression and we are encouraging the kind of behavior that draws us apart. The attitude of, “I don’t need you, so get out of my way — I’ll do as I please” is evident, especially in the White House where egocentrism is rampant. It is very disturbing so many Americans voted for a man who is the epitome of self-obsession and disregard for others, a man who lies with alacrity and with no remorse, a man who obviously feels no empathy and compassion for migrant children snatched from their parents and allowed to suffer in detention centers.

Such a belligerent attitude can do nothing but widen the gap that separates us — not only from other nations, but from each other. And, as such arrogance suffuses our culture, it fosters indifference and even hostility and surely discourages a sense of community — locally and internationally. As David G. Myers wrote in “The American Paradox” in 1992, “At the dawn of a new millennium we stand where two roads diverge. One continues down the well-traveled track of radical materialism and individualism leading toward a deepened cultural crisis. As ‘me-thinking’ continues to prevail over ‘we-thinking,’ as the rich-poor gap continues to widen, as the media continue to promote coercive human relations and uncommitted sex, as marriage continues to disintegrate, as children’s well-being continues to nosedive, and if violence rebounds with the next recession, calls for imposed order will likely increase.”

With the boom times of the ’90s well behind us, trying to impose order with legislation may make us feel like we’re doing something to improve things, but you cannot legislate generosity of spirit that underlies thoughtfulness, manners, kindness and decency. Whether it’s having concern for others in the neighborhood or how we can come together as a nation, consideration, empathy and thoughtfulness are essential.

Since 1984, Dorothy Dimitre has written more than 950 columns for various local newspapers. Her email address is gramsd@aceweb.com.