Academic achievement in school is important, but kids need much more to succeed in today’s world. Equal attention should be given to social-emotional education, especially for young teens. Without a strong emotional foundation and the skills needed to navigate relationships, academic success can feel hollow and fragile.
Kristen Carey
In my work as a psychologist, I see daily how teens struggle when they lack awareness of themselves and others. Many are unable to recognize and express their emotions or observe their impact on others. They are anxious, overwhelmed and unsure of who they are beyond what people expect of them. Though they may be confident in solving math equations and writing English essays, they are at loss when it comes to knowing how to build healthy relationships, empathize with others, and navigate conflict — skills that are just as critical for success in life.
I’ve been encouraged by the emphasis some of our local middle schools are placing on social emotional learning. These educators recognize the need to develop not just bright minds but grounded, emotionally perceptive young men and women. Their approach to SEL is integrated into all aspects of students’ learning experience — and the impact is profound.
One recent project stands out as powerful example of the value of social emotional learning for young teens. A group of students from my son’s middle school watched “The Mask You Live In,” a compelling documentary that explores a constricted ideal of masculinity prevalent in American society, where “strength” is equated with concealing emotions and avoiding vulnerability.
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In classroom discussions and reflective writing, students challenged outdated stereotypes: the idea that men should be stoic, unfeeling or always tough. They began to consider traits like kindness, supportiveness and thoughtfulness as signs of strength. They also reflected that a “good man” is someone who makes others feel safe and valued, rather than one who tries to conceal, control or dominate.
When students have the opportunity to participate in community circles, classroom conversations and projects such as the one around “The Mask You Live In,” they develop the capacity to self-reflect, recognize their biases and grow as leaders. They learn to have honest conversations and show up with integrity, inspiring others to do the same.
This intentional focus on social-emotional learning doesn’t dilute academic challenge or rigor. It allows for the growth of human skills that are essential for thriving in today’s world. When students feel understood and encouraged to be authentic, they are more likely to take intellectual risks and persevere through challenges. This is the kind of education that helps students become secure, conscientious and capable young men and women.
We can learn from schools that invest in the whole child, preparing them not just to succeed but to be confident in who they are and ready to contribute to their communities with integrity, courage and character. If we choose to integrate these key human skills into middle school education, our kids — and our communities — will be better for it.
Kristen Carey is a Bay Area based psychologist and parent. Her oldest son attends Field Middle School in San Mateo.
Notice there are no studies with data and science to back up the claims that SEL does all these wonderful things for kids in school. And while I haven't seen the film mentioned I do worry about showing middle schoolers a movie about "toxic masculinity" directed and written by Jennifer Siebel Newsom of all people.
I also reject the premise that sitting around talking about feelings, particularly in middle school, has only positive repercussions. Have you ever met a middle schooler? I guarantee they will mock anyone who overshares under pressure in the moment. Abigail Shrier's excellent book "Bad Therapy" details the problems with therapy culture and the over focus on "feelings". Certainly schools aren't prepared to act as therapists and should get back to the business of educating and stop wasting time with touchy-feely projects. Check out the article in today's DJ about achievement gaps and falling test scores in the Sequoia HS district.
Mrs. Newsom wrote the film? Her partner and Trump are in a tie for worst man of the year award. Just have the students read the Kipling poem "If." In fact, have them just
Hilarious. Trump is a recipient of a Nobel Peace prize, the person who ended 7 wars, the one overseeing Making America Great Again, Again being in a tie with Newsom, whose jealousy of Trump resulted in another Trumper tantrum at Davos, and who was described as being Patrick Bateman meets Sparkle Beach Ken as the worst man of the year? Methinks you’ve been missing out, bigly, on reading fair and balanced news reports. I’ll take Trump over Newson every day, all day, as will many Californians. BTW, how about Trump’s Greenland deal?
Interesting. We have an article today (https://www.smdailyjournal.com/news/local/opportunity-gap-persists-at-sequoia-union/article_c8e1a875-3448-4a6e-9ab7-89f117a65941.html) describing school achievement, or lack thereof, locally and across the state and we have this guest perspective by Ms. Carey touting the benefits of a woke movie attempting to demean male students due to a cherry-picked cohort of males. A movie, if reports are correct, which include x-rated snippets and their websites as well as that cannot be aired in broadcasts. I hear the movie was provided by none other than Ms. Newsom. (A conflict of interest or a quid pro quo?) Feel free to search for “The Mask You Live In woke movie” for more information. I would think that instead of wasting class time on woke movies, that time would be used to instruct students to increase achievement scores. BTW, what’s the female equivalent movie of “The Mask You Live In”?
- how about when women ask to have a choice about their own bodies
- how about when people ask for bike lanes so they have a choice to take their kids per bicycle to school
- how about when people ask for better public transportation, so we have actually a better option to avoid paying all our money to Big Auto and Big Oil
- how about when people want one public option healthcare choice, one that highly regulates big pharma
Only in the education system, where choice has never, ever done any good and has sabotaged public education in many red and blue states, only there do both parties support "choice".
- free public education in your assigned Elementary school
- free public education in a Charter school of your choice
- private school featuring all kinds of topics like French, Italian, Mandarin, Soccer, Tennis, etc.
Democrats in San Mateo and Redwood City took that to another level with their "Choice Schools". They took funding away from those public education elementary schools and put it in private-types-schools like "Montessori", "Mandarin immersion", "other language immersion", "Alternative", etc. None of those have categorical funding. All funding is stolen from these "underserved" schools.
"Choice Schools" - as created by Democrats are a scam and wreck district budgets and created "underserved" schools.
"School Choice" as wanted by Republicans are a scam to sabotage public education in rural areas creating "underserved" districts.
Both version are creating huge budget deficits without ever improving accountability or education.
- public education MUST be free in a civilized country and should have a high focus on the basics (Math, SLA, science, music, arts, PE).
The problem is when public education funding is used to hand out private-school topics in schools with names like "Alternative", "Montessori" , "Mandarin Immersion". "Academy", etc for "free". There will never be enough public funding to feature all the hobbies and gimmicks these schools pretend to be providing.
This is why local districts like SMFCSD and RCSD are the most segregated districts with the most "underfunded, poor neighborhood schools".
Anyone who feels their kids need to learn Russian, Mandarin, Football, Futbol, Tennis, Swimming, Dancing, etc. can probably pay for that themselves. Instead the superintendents in SMFC and RC are giving rich people "free" stuff by taking it from those "underserved" schools. Shame on those "trustees" as well.
Am I alone in observing that many of these students seem to have wimpy parents who did not prepare their offspring for the real world? Why is it that our educational system, which is already compromised, is now charged with correcting the flim-flam upbringing that these kids received at home? We have had friends of our kids stay over and I was generally amazed at how poorly they behaved themselves in our house. I am not a drill sergeant by any means but some of these kids seemed to have no guidance whatever. They likely grew up with the AYSO mantra that everyone wins, there are no losers. These former houseguests are now parents themselves so one would, or should, not expect anything else from them. It is just grist for the professional world out there, just another pill or a supplement, and the kids will be fine.
There is hope Dirk - my son is in HS and neither he nor his friends (a big group of boys and girls) behave like this. They work hard in school, are polite, funny, interesting and fun to be around. They volunteer and/or have jobs. One observation is that almost all of this group plays at least one sport, which teaches discipline and commitment, not to mention the health benefits and getting out of your own head. Much more beneficial than sitting around talking about feelings!
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(18) comments
Notice there are no studies with data and science to back up the claims that SEL does all these wonderful things for kids in school. And while I haven't seen the film mentioned I do worry about showing middle schoolers a movie about "toxic masculinity" directed and written by Jennifer Siebel Newsom of all people.
I also reject the premise that sitting around talking about feelings, particularly in middle school, has only positive repercussions. Have you ever met a middle schooler? I guarantee they will mock anyone who overshares under pressure in the moment. Abigail Shrier's excellent book "Bad Therapy" details the problems with therapy culture and the over focus on "feelings". Certainly schools aren't prepared to act as therapists and should get back to the business of educating and stop wasting time with touchy-feely projects. Check out the article in today's DJ about achievement gaps and falling test scores in the Sequoia HS district.
Mrs. Newsom wrote the film? Her partner and Trump are in a tie for worst man of the year award. Just have the students read the Kipling poem "If." In fact, have them just
read anything.
Hilarious. Trump is a recipient of a Nobel Peace prize, the person who ended 7 wars, the one overseeing Making America Great Again, Again being in a tie with Newsom, whose jealousy of Trump resulted in another Trumper tantrum at Davos, and who was described as being Patrick Bateman meets Sparkle Beach Ken as the worst man of the year? Methinks you’ve been missing out, bigly, on reading fair and balanced news reports. I’ll take Trump over Newson every day, all day, as will many Californians. BTW, how about Trump’s Greenland deal?
Interesting. We have an article today (https://www.smdailyjournal.com/news/local/opportunity-gap-persists-at-sequoia-union/article_c8e1a875-3448-4a6e-9ab7-89f117a65941.html) describing school achievement, or lack thereof, locally and across the state and we have this guest perspective by Ms. Carey touting the benefits of a woke movie attempting to demean male students due to a cherry-picked cohort of males. A movie, if reports are correct, which include x-rated snippets and their websites as well as that cannot be aired in broadcasts. I hear the movie was provided by none other than Ms. Newsom. (A conflict of interest or a quid pro quo?) Feel free to search for “The Mask You Live In woke movie” for more information. I would think that instead of wasting class time on woke movies, that time would be used to instruct students to increase achievement scores. BTW, what’s the female equivalent movie of “The Mask You Live In”?
Another reason for "choice" in education.
"Choice School", "School Choice", "Schools of Choice" are just different names to excuse school segregation.
We know that from two "Choice School" districts in this county:
- the most deliberately segregated school district is Redwood City SD
- the second worst is San Mateo Foster City SD
Interestingly in both cases Lemperts (Sue and Ted) have played a big part.
Come on!!! "Choice" is everything that matters.
Really,
- how about when women ask to have a choice about their own bodies
- how about when people ask for bike lanes so they have a choice to take their kids per bicycle to school
- how about when people ask for better public transportation, so we have actually a better option to avoid paying all our money to Big Auto and Big Oil
- how about when people want one public option healthcare choice, one that highly regulates big pharma
Only in the education system, where choice has never, ever done any good and has sabotaged public education in many red and blue states, only there do both parties support "choice".
you just proved my point, which is that abortion has made choice the standard. note you made it the top concern.
Will, real school choice exists already:
- free public education in your assigned Elementary school
- free public education in a Charter school of your choice
- private school featuring all kinds of topics like French, Italian, Mandarin, Soccer, Tennis, etc.
Democrats in San Mateo and Redwood City took that to another level with their "Choice Schools". They took funding away from those public education elementary schools and put it in private-types-schools like "Montessori", "Mandarin immersion", "other language immersion", "Alternative", etc. None of those have categorical funding. All funding is stolen from these "underserved" schools.
"Choice Schools" - as created by Democrats are a scam and wreck district budgets and created "underserved" schools.
"School Choice" as wanted by Republicans are a scam to sabotage public education in rural areas creating "underserved" districts.
Both version are creating huge budget deficits without ever improving accountability or education.
easygerd: you forgot guns.
you forgot guns.
Will, if you want to know more about guns, ask a Jester: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rR9IaXH1M0
... or that school board trustee of SJUSD:
https://sfist.com/2025/12/21/san-jose-school-apologizes-after-board-trustee-sings-off-color-1940s-parody-song-at-christmas-concert/
Where do school boards even find these people ....
easygerd- the question is not where we send our kids. it is about where we spend our money.
- public education MUST be free in a civilized country and should have a high focus on the basics (Math, SLA, science, music, arts, PE).
The problem is when public education funding is used to hand out private-school topics in schools with names like "Alternative", "Montessori" , "Mandarin Immersion". "Academy", etc for "free". There will never be enough public funding to feature all the hobbies and gimmicks these schools pretend to be providing.
This is why local districts like SMFCSD and RCSD are the most segregated districts with the most "underfunded, poor neighborhood schools".
Anyone who feels their kids need to learn Russian, Mandarin, Football, Futbol, Tennis, Swimming, Dancing, etc. can probably pay for that themselves. Instead the superintendents in SMFC and RC are giving rich people "free" stuff by taking it from those "underserved" schools. Shame on those "trustees" as well.
Am I alone in observing that many of these students seem to have wimpy parents who did not prepare their offspring for the real world? Why is it that our educational system, which is already compromised, is now charged with correcting the flim-flam upbringing that these kids received at home? We have had friends of our kids stay over and I was generally amazed at how poorly they behaved themselves in our house. I am not a drill sergeant by any means but some of these kids seemed to have no guidance whatever. They likely grew up with the AYSO mantra that everyone wins, there are no losers. These former houseguests are now parents themselves so one would, or should, not expect anything else from them. It is just grist for the professional world out there, just another pill or a supplement, and the kids will be fine.
There is hope Dirk - my son is in HS and neither he nor his friends (a big group of boys and girls) behave like this. They work hard in school, are polite, funny, interesting and fun to be around. They volunteer and/or have jobs. One observation is that almost all of this group plays at least one sport, which teaches discipline and commitment, not to mention the health benefits and getting out of your own head. Much more beneficial than sitting around talking about feelings!
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Be truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
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