Is it time to have a real conversation again?

Unfortunately, with most social media platforms, there is very little objectivity and insight into the discussions and they become commonly more of a “You’re wrong and my way is right” communication. What adds fuel to the fire is that the social media talking heads — in an effort to maintain and keep their follower’s interest — embrace this rhetoric with continued rants and attacks in a spiral of negativity. It’s no wonder as a society we are so polarized and can’t consider others’ views as anyone that offers alternative views are attacked, cut off, blocked and labeled with the speed of a click. Much of a user’s comments or posts from years ago can be brought up and used against others as a form of slander or promote an agenda and say “See I told you so!”

After watching the Netflix documentary “The Social Dilemma” and seeing how the algorithms are built to reinforce our own biases and you can see how this divide is the end result of the lack of communication and letting technology think for us. Recognize that most of the differences in our debates are like comparing apples to oranges where one group is usually looking at the micro level, compared to the other looking at the macro. They are both right and wrong, but for different reasons and that’s why we can’t see eye to eye as we can’t even agree on what we are talking about. Gun rights are not the same as gun violence yet we are arguing about two different things and talking over each other’s heads and in some cases deliberately. The path forward is to have more interpersonal communications that are open, objective, have a focus on listening and utilize our common ground. If we feel we can’t speak without being heard or might become a target for having an alternate viewpoint, we will shut down the communication and revert back into our trenches. 

A couple years ago, as a response to the endless online debate spiral, I began hosting an in-person discussion meetup with a group of individuals from various backgrounds to have more in-depth and thought-provoking communication about many of today’s issues. The purpose was to move the conversation away from being online and back to an interpersonal discussion where active listening and respect went both ways. After a couple of these events, we realized we had reconnected in a way that we hadn’t felt in years and the feedback from attendees was the feeling of enlightenment and learned knowledge about the other’s differences and perspectives.

So maybe this is a simple solution we can all enjoy: Get offline and back into having conversations in coffee shops, or chatting with your neighbor across the street and even inviting your friends and colleagues out for your own discussion meetup. You might be surprised how much you have in common and learn from each other as the path forward to a better world is through active listening using interpersonal communication — and what better time to start than now.

Andre DeVito is the co-host and producer of Podcast By The Bay, hosts think tank discussion meetups, and consults with data and quality improvement projects in the health care field.