Are introverts hurting their own well-being?

It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that people actually started hearing my voice more often. I met an incredible group of individuals, many who are still my friends today. We were all officers of various ethnic clubs at Hillsdale High School from 2016 to 2018. At the height of political affairs, we led marches, walkouts, teach-ins, and everything under the sun to speak out against injustices. My role in this? I wasn’t the one on the megaphone or leading everyone in the march. I was in the background. Filming, producing, editing. I loved what I did because my extroverted friends helped me find my voice.

I am now in my early career, and I recently spoke to my workplace mentor. There was a meeting with a communications professional coming up, and I explained my feelings of anxiety regarding that video call.  We discussed how being conversational didn’t come easily to me growing up, and I sometimes still feel nervous speaking to the big guys (high ladder corporate aficionados). He shared his daughter’s selective mutism, and I instantly connected the dots to my childhood and resonated with what she’s currently experiencing. Reflecting back, I remember my family being shocked to hear that I was shy. I was silly and talkative, but only when I was safely confined in the walls of my home. My mentor mentioned something that has stuck with me. “Don’t let your childhood labels define you as an adult,” he said. “When you repetitively hear something about yourself, you start to believe it as true, but it doesn’t have to be.”

 The labels of introversion and extroversion can impact what we believe we should or shouldn’t do. Apart from that, these labels are highly misunderstood. This is why Carl Jung, the psychiatrist who coined these terms in 1921, found that humans don’t land entirely on one end of the spectrum. Instead, we fall somewhere in between. Experts have found that extroverts experience more positive emotions and well-being compared to introverts. Additionally, introverts also perceive themselves as requiring less time with others, which is known as a forecasting error (the difference between the actual or real value of a quantity and its predicted or forecasted value). Despite what someone labels themselves as, we are not meant to be alone all the time. The dangerous part is that introverts who experience loneliness also have neurotic tendencies, like being shy and experiencing negative thoughts. If you remember Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, humans require five sets of needs to feel complete, including love and belonging. You can argue that this can be achieved from a distance, but regardless, relationships are what make life more fruitful.

In many ways, the COVID-19 pandemic set us back in social connection and led us toward introversion by force. I find there’s a threshold to how much time someone can truly spend alone. Eventually, someone will crave social connection despite what they might believe about themselves. When working from home in 2021-2022, I would sit at my local Philz Coffee for hours on end. Sure, part of it was because I needed a change of scenery, but realistically, I reached a deep feeling of loneliness from not interacting with people daily. Being surrounded by others made me feel part of a collective human experience. The attraction to working from home slowly started diminishing because of my need for interaction and a decrease in my well-being.

There is no shame in being introverted but, at a certain point, it is critical to recognize potential side effects and hindrances. Let me just say, I don’t proudly wave my flag of introversion anymore. The label of dissociating from the real world and escaping to the comfort of my own space is no longer as desirable. I encourage people who have labeled themselves as introverts to step out of their comfort zones more and live a little more extroverted. You might just be a little happier.

Giselle Espinoza is a longtime San Mateo resident with a bachelor’s degree in communications, working in health care administration. She brings a Gen Z perspective and slight coffee addiction.