Write to Santa even during grammar wars

In spite of efforts to kill it off or ignore it, Christmas remains with us as an ingrained tradition, as well it should. And so does Santa Claus. Jolly St. Nick is part and parcel of the season. Kids love the bearded guy. He’s not real but he’s a happy hoot nonetheless.

He represents the holidays, gifts (both giving and receiving), joy and merriment of all shapes and sizes. Children still write to Santa. It’s what they do at this time of year.

Their letters (actually printed or written in cursive, that dying art form) can be mailed to him via a number of sources, including cooperating cities up and down the Peninsula and the U.S. Postal Service itself.

Simply check the various websites for information on these services. Other than a self-addressed envelope for a return letter from the North Pole, all of this is free.

Then there is the tender matter of the letter itself. In some delicate parts of the country, that can be an issue, specifically the grammar involved.

You can see where this is going. Little Jack and little Jill have decisions to make if they have the misfortune to live in a gender-obsessed region.

Does little Jack sign his Santa letter with a cautionary “he/him/his” at the close? Does little Jill do something similar with “she/her/hers/?”

Or, one shudders to consider whether the dreaded, vague and entirely confusing morsel “them/their/theirs” creeps into the writing exercise?

It’s a potential problem, although intentions in this matter often seem benign on their face.

Does Santa really care about the grammar wars that quietly rage just below our radar screens? Does he (yes, “he”) need to be fully informed of the genders of little Jack and little Jill?

Santa is old. He’s a white-haired geezer. He doesn’t need to be flummoxed at this point in a career that has been long and fulfilling. Oh, and his reindeer could not care less. They just worry about when their next bale of yuletide hay is coming their way. Not so sure about the industrious elves, however.

One has to wonder about the future of English in general and English literature in particular if gender references become so blurred they obfuscate and generally perplex both editors and readers at large.

Shakespeare, Dickens, Hemingway, Faulkner and the rest would cringe to the core at what is occurring in some precincts. Even, one surmises, to Santa Claus.

Ho, ho, ho.

HEY, LOOK, IT’S ANOTHER VIOLATION: If the city of Burlingame is looking for ways to increase its revenue from traffic fines, may we gently suggest a ready and tantalizing option: Install cameras at the City Hall/Public Library intersections in the village’s downtown district.

That confluence of three different streets, seven crosswalks and seven stop signs, combined with two islands in the middle of this busy suburban junction, provides a formula for a variety of potential traffic violations.

With some frequency, unaware drivers glide through stop signs, travel the wrong way, make illegal U- and left-turns and generally seem utterly perplexed by the rules of the road in that part of town.

It’s understandable. The unique lay of the land there seems designed to challenge unfamiliar motorists whose driving abilities may be somewhat suspect in the first place.

WHO’S PLAYING THAT MUSIC?: Readers of this space can be a witty lot. One of them sent a telling bit of someone else’s personal experience to our attention via an email last week. It states: “My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 tabs are open, three of those are frozen and I have no clue where the music is coming from.” Join the club.

John Horgan (he/him/his), who is fully invested in the spirit of Christmas, can be contacted by email at johnhorganmedia@gmail.com.