March of the Merry Morons staggers on

We are an equal opportunity tribune of human foibles and failures of all shapes and sizes. We dote on this annual Dance of the Doofuses (Doofi?) and any and all versions of the village idiot and his or her off-kilter offspring.

May their moronic clones continue to make the rest of us feel at least somewhat coherent and relatively stable in the cerebellum. And that’s not always an easy task even in the best of times.

What follows are selected highlights, or lowlights if you will, of the never-ending nutty nuances of the all-too-frequently delicate human condition. Brace yourself.

Here goes:

TIME TO CHOP SOME FIREWOOD: A number of European nations found themselves perplexed and more than a bit concerned about the unintended effects of their efforts to combat the apparent effects of climate change, specifically their increasing reliance on iffy wind and fickle solar power. That’s because their continent was beset by incessant cloud cover and a constant lack of vital, sustained breezes. Whoops. Time to chop some firewood and rev up that ancient, petrol-powered Saab rusting there in the snow-dappled garage.

AHOY, CAPTAIN OBVIOUS ON BOARD: Always at the cutting edge of information-sharing and precious Bay Area perspective, the ever-helpful San Francisco Chronicle went out on a journalistic limb as apocalyptic fires raged through portions of Los Angeles County in January. The newspaper’s website declared that, “It’s not a good time to visit” the chaotic Southland. Who would have guessed? Captain Obvious was thus alerted.

ALBINO GATOR GETS THE NOD: Media outlets in the Bay Area had to make a tough choice in the fall — which birthday event to emphasize in their important coverage, the Pope’s 70th or an albino alligator’s 30th. Sure enough, it turned out to be the latter. The seemingly docile reptile, who resided in a San Francisco aquarium and whose religion, if any, was unknown, got the nod over the leader of the worldwide Catholic Church. We do have our priorities here.

JUST PRETEND YOU DON’T SEE US: Redwood City police got a call from a worried citizen who reported that two suspicious men were apparently prowling in a Redwood Shores neighborhood. They were thought to be potential porch pirates. Both were wearing masks. One was sporting a bad blond wig and, for some odd reason, the guy was riding a tricycle. So much for attempting to remain incognito on a sunny afternoon in suburbia.

CULTURE SHIFT IN SOUTH CITY: South San Francisco celebrated Pride Month in June with a variety of events, including a visit from a performer named King Lotus Boy who delighted a gathering at the city’s main library by reading to children and adults. The drag individual’s Facebook page indicated that King Lotus Boy was “trans, non-binary, unapologetically disabled, neurodivergent and chronically illustrious.” Score one for a culture shift in the one-time Industrial City.

A FELINE DEATH BY WAYMO: A new violation of all that is good and decent came to the fore with a vengeance in San Francisco. It was an unfortunate incident that took the life of a cat. The innocent creature was accidentally run over and killed by a Waymo robot vehicle. The death was protested mightily by a core of the dead feline’s friends and, truth be told, anti-Waymo activists lamenting what they viewed as a blatant “Waymo-cide.” Where are the lawyers?  

GOD’S SPOKESMAN WAS MUTE: In a religious vein of sorts for a moment, San Mateo County’s former sheriff, the disgraced Christina Corpus, while trying to save her job during lengthy proceedings to oust her due to egregious behavior while in office, declared that, “God put me here for a reason.” The actual evangelical cause, however, was never announced by the beleaguered Corpus or a representative of The Almighty.