When you’re a buck-toothed skinny kid with a name like Wiesner, it doesn’t take a master insult comedian like Don Rickles to figure out a nickname that will sting. Yep, I was “The Weasel.” Richard A. was the first one to call me that in kindergarten and it stuck through first grade when Richard started to call me a fairy and punched me. I hated it but I didn’t tell anyone at home. My first grade teacher sensed by some of my classroom behavior that there was something really wrong and called in my parents. I told them about the punching and name-calling and kids circling around me on the playground singing “ring around the weasel.”
That evening my father took me to his parent’s house. My grandparents Joe and Estelle were amazingly loving people. I always felt completely safe there. Dad told them what I’d shared and Grandpa had some advice. “Next time they start singing and circling around you, just join them! Don’t let them see that it bothers you, make them think you like it.”
That may not have been the best advice but ... a few days later I joined in the circle and they actually stopped. Of course Richard continued to call me a fairy and punch me whenever he could. Finally we moved to a new school district and my new classmates never teased me. I actually enjoyed school until junior high when I got bused back to that old neighborhood. There was Richard surrounded by a cohort of fellow bullies who made my life miserable. The bullying went on for around six months, including me getting hit with a brick. After that I brought a knife to school and, when the group surrounded me, pushing me and calling me a homophobic slur, I pulled out the knife. Funny how in that moment a teacher was right there to stop the fracas. I was suspended. Thank goodness I didn’t hurt anyone.
I started to write this column after reading, for the third day in a row, about bullied kids having committed suicide. Imagine how horribly powerless a child can feel being bullied every day, and now, having the bullying relentlessly follow them home on social media. In the latest cases, the children had reported the bullying, begged for help, and not enough or nothing was done to help them. Imagine being their parents. Life is especially hard for kids who either identify as LGBTQ or who are labeled that way by the bullies.
Now imagine this. If you are a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, close family friend, any adult who has a healthy and safe relationship with a child, you can do something that can change things. Share this column. Talk about how painful, horrible, relentless, soul-crushing it can be to be bullied and give them the safe space to tell you if they are victims, perpetrators, bystanders or upstanders. Children and teenagers need to know that they can bring joy to someone’s life, or misery. Choose joy. Talk about how easy it is to become one of the crowd, teasing another kid. It’s also easy to be a bystander, just watching as another child is mercilessly mocked. Teach the kids in your life how amazing it can be to be an upstander and give them the tools they need to stand up and speak out.
Recommended for you
If a child you love is being hurtful to others, there are steps you can take. There may be underlying issues causing that behavior, serious issues. There are professionals who can help. You are not alone. You, as a parent or guardian, need to be an upstander too. All the school programs in the world can only do so much unless parents, guardians, and other trusted adults are part of the equation. StopBullying.gov has resources you can use. Locally, author Salpi Dunlap and her kids created three beautiful books parents and children can use to “Stay True, Stay Connected, and Stay Grateful.” These are great jumping off points for deep and productive conversations. Visit staytruebooks.com to check them out.
The buck-toothed skinny kid didn’t deserve bullying. No one does. Telling children to suck it up, man up, get thicker skin, or dance with the bullies are not good answers. Telling children not to torture other children is. You’re an adult. Set aside time and talk to the kids you love. Start, perhaps, by asking about “teasing” or “goofing on” other kids, words much less loaded than bullying. Then speak your values. Teach kids you love to stay true, stay connected and stay grateful. You may save a life. If you are being bullied, tell a trusted adult. It does get better.
If you are having suicidal thoughts dial 988 or 1-800-273-8255 24 hours a day for help.
Craig Wiesner is the co-owner of Reach And Teach, a book, toy and cultural gift shop on San Carlos Avenue in San Carlos.
Touching article, Craig, which made my heart bleed again, remembering what my kid brother had to go through. He was born right after WWII ended back in Norway and came down with a very rare brain infection when he was around 2 years old. He spent months in a hospital, but finally came out very obese, for which there seemed to be no remedy. In school he was teased and bullied mercilessly, called a fat pig, and haunted with remarks about when would he be fat enough to be slaughtered. Having lost hearing in one ear due to a misplaced injection while hospitalized, he also had trouble in the classroom, for which at least one teacher showed no passion, with other kids laughing when he didn’t get it. No wonder he hated going to school, every single day, until he went to sea on an oil tanker at the age of 17. He says that was the best time of his life! No one teased him at all, he was accepted and praised for being a hard worker who learned easily. He advanced quickly and mysteriously, - he came back so slim that I didn’t recognize him and passed him by when I came to the railway station to pick him up! He later wrote a book about his adventures at sea, mainly based on the numerous letters he wrote home to our parents. He turned out to have a natural talent for all kinds of handicrafts, built his own house, and pretty much excelled in a variety of jobs, in so many ways a success story, despite his earlier handicap.
I myself was just of average size, a nice well-behaved boy, and too good in school for someone’s liking, so I was beaten up regularly, often resulting in a bloody nose. In 6th grade I became aware of girls snickering, and had had enough, so I went to my dad and complained, whereupon he took me down to the basement and taught me the basics of the noble art of self-defense. The next day, the school’s #1 bully attacked me again, but this time it was his turn to be left on the school ground, bleeding from nose and mouth! He never attacked me again, while all of a sudden, I had all kinds of friends who needed protection. The word got around: “If you mess with Jorg’s friends, you have it coming!” That basic training may later have saved my life as well, while as a 19-year-old fresh out of HS and on the traditional graduation trip to Denmark, I was attacked by an older guy with a knife directed at my stomach. I had no time to think, so I reacted instinctively and decked the idiot with a very hard right hook. The last I saw of him was when someone scraped him off the floor of the ferry and carried him away, still unconscious. This is a typical case where a gun would have been of no use, and perhaps even deadly for myself or some innocent bystander.
But the elementary school bully has now for many years been one of my many friends! We still communicate, between opposite sides of the globe.
And, let me just add, Craig, that despite what he has been through, my brother is one of the kindest, most forgiving and least hateful persons I have ever known!
One of our dearest friends, now no longer with us in flesh, was imprisoned in Siberia for 1,000 days during WWII and endured some of the worst treatment humans can inflict on each other. He too was one of the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate and generous people I've ever known.
Which sounds like my great German son-in-law, who’s existence is a result of happy coincidences out of sheer WWII terror. His maternal grandfather, and anti-Nazi called into war for Hitler against his will, was captured on the East-front by Russians and sent as a slave worker to Siberia, from where he was sent back to Germany several years after the war ended as a total wreck. Yet, he was able to start a family and gave birth to my son-in-law’s mother.
My sons-in-law’s paternal grandfather, also an anti-Nazi, was called into war as a 17-year old to replace the dead. Towards the end of the war, he was captured by advancing American troops and sent towards a prison camp. Somehow, he was able to escape, but was soon captured by a black, American GI, who had orders to shoot and kill anyone who tried to escape. So, here was the 17-year-old standing, with his hands held high, shivering from top to toe, with a gun to his forehead. The GI looked to the right, then to the left, and not seeing anyone, he motioned to the youngster to run away, which he did, made it back to common ground and survived, for eventually to give birth to my son-in-law, the greatest husband for a daughter any father can possibly dream of, - gentle, nice and helpful, top education in his field, a world class athlete, - and the father of my only grandchild! Bless that black, American GI, - who was denied GI benefits just because of his skin color.
just wondering if the fc council that spent their meeting writing proclamations ever thought of the backlash they are promoting to all city employees wondering if they sould report a mistake with this council remocving them from their jobs as the did other volunteers again the talk of the water cooler about fc councilmembers. you left a legacy to not support your volunteers and employees you made your bed to again be the talk of the other cities not supporting your volunteers nice job! back;ash to any mistake they make as you will remove them from their jobs.
Coyot point firing rang has no power the pe point not sure if finally PGE restored power not just curiodyssey the whole point is dark. olice have to drive to another range i talked to the harbor masyter nompower over the whol
Keep the discussion civilized. Absolutely NO
personal attacks or insults directed toward writers, nor others who
make comments. Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd,
racist or sexually-oriented language. Don't threaten. Threats of harming another
person will not be tolerated. Be truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone
or anything. Be proactive. Use the 'Report' link on
each comment to let us know of abusive posts. PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK. Anyone violating these rules will be issued a
warning. After the warning, comment privileges can be
revoked.
Please purchase a Premium Subscription to continue reading.
To continue, please log in, or sign up for a new account.
We offer one free story view per month. If you register for an account, you will get two additional story views. After those three total views, we ask that you support us with a subscription.
A subscription to our digital content is so much more than just access to our valuable content. It means you’re helping to support a local community institution that has, from its very start, supported the betterment of our society. Thank you very much!
(8) comments
Powerful column, Mr. Wiesner.
I wonder what kind of man Richard A became.
Touching article, Craig, which made my heart bleed again, remembering what my kid brother had to go through. He was born right after WWII ended back in Norway and came down with a very rare brain infection when he was around 2 years old. He spent months in a hospital, but finally came out very obese, for which there seemed to be no remedy. In school he was teased and bullied mercilessly, called a fat pig, and haunted with remarks about when would he be fat enough to be slaughtered. Having lost hearing in one ear due to a misplaced injection while hospitalized, he also had trouble in the classroom, for which at least one teacher showed no passion, with other kids laughing when he didn’t get it. No wonder he hated going to school, every single day, until he went to sea on an oil tanker at the age of 17. He says that was the best time of his life! No one teased him at all, he was accepted and praised for being a hard worker who learned easily. He advanced quickly and mysteriously, - he came back so slim that I didn’t recognize him and passed him by when I came to the railway station to pick him up! He later wrote a book about his adventures at sea, mainly based on the numerous letters he wrote home to our parents. He turned out to have a natural talent for all kinds of handicrafts, built his own house, and pretty much excelled in a variety of jobs, in so many ways a success story, despite his earlier handicap.
I myself was just of average size, a nice well-behaved boy, and too good in school for someone’s liking, so I was beaten up regularly, often resulting in a bloody nose. In 6th grade I became aware of girls snickering, and had had enough, so I went to my dad and complained, whereupon he took me down to the basement and taught me the basics of the noble art of self-defense. The next day, the school’s #1 bully attacked me again, but this time it was his turn to be left on the school ground, bleeding from nose and mouth! He never attacked me again, while all of a sudden, I had all kinds of friends who needed protection. The word got around: “If you mess with Jorg’s friends, you have it coming!” That basic training may later have saved my life as well, while as a 19-year-old fresh out of HS and on the traditional graduation trip to Denmark, I was attacked by an older guy with a knife directed at my stomach. I had no time to think, so I reacted instinctively and decked the idiot with a very hard right hook. The last I saw of him was when someone scraped him off the floor of the ferry and carried him away, still unconscious. This is a typical case where a gun would have been of no use, and perhaps even deadly for myself or some innocent bystander.
But the elementary school bully has now for many years been one of my many friends! We still communicate, between opposite sides of the globe.
Thanks for sharing your stories and perspective! Always thoughtful and appreciated.
And, let me just add, Craig, that despite what he has been through, my brother is one of the kindest, most forgiving and least hateful persons I have ever known!
One of our dearest friends, now no longer with us in flesh, was imprisoned in Siberia for 1,000 days during WWII and endured some of the worst treatment humans can inflict on each other. He too was one of the kindest, gentlest, most compassionate and generous people I've ever known.
Which sounds like my great German son-in-law, who’s existence is a result of happy coincidences out of sheer WWII terror. His maternal grandfather, and anti-Nazi called into war for Hitler against his will, was captured on the East-front by Russians and sent as a slave worker to Siberia, from where he was sent back to Germany several years after the war ended as a total wreck. Yet, he was able to start a family and gave birth to my son-in-law’s mother.
My sons-in-law’s paternal grandfather, also an anti-Nazi, was called into war as a 17-year old to replace the dead. Towards the end of the war, he was captured by advancing American troops and sent towards a prison camp. Somehow, he was able to escape, but was soon captured by a black, American GI, who had orders to shoot and kill anyone who tried to escape. So, here was the 17-year-old standing, with his hands held high, shivering from top to toe, with a gun to his forehead. The GI looked to the right, then to the left, and not seeing anyone, he motioned to the youngster to run away, which he did, made it back to common ground and survived, for eventually to give birth to my son-in-law, the greatest husband for a daughter any father can possibly dream of, - gentle, nice and helpful, top education in his field, a world class athlete, - and the father of my only grandchild! Bless that black, American GI, - who was denied GI benefits just because of his skin color.
just wondering if the fc council that spent their meeting writing proclamations ever thought of the backlash they are promoting to all city employees wondering if they sould report a mistake with this council remocving them from their jobs as the did other volunteers again the talk of the water cooler about fc councilmembers. you left a legacy to not support your volunteers and employees you made your bed to again be the talk of the other cities not supporting your volunteers nice job! back;ash to any mistake they make as you will remove them from their jobs.
Coyot point firing rang has no power the pe point not sure if finally PGE restored power not just curiodyssey the whole point is dark. olice have to drive to another range i talked to the harbor masyter nompower over the whol
Welcome to the discussion.
Log In
Keep the discussion civilized. Absolutely NO personal attacks or insults directed toward writers, nor others who make comments.
Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
Don't threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Anyone violating these rules will be issued a warning. After the warning, comment privileges can be revoked.