Joining the fight for same-sex marriage

Of course, King was active in the civil rights movement for a full 10 years before Johnson signed the law.

And now, 40 years later we are finally dealing with the civil rights of another disenfranchised group, the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community.

The group is pushing for the same right most people already possess - the right to marry the person you love.

And, as it was in the 1960s, it's not about convincing the devout opponents of gay marriage, but rather the moderate person who attends church every week - the person who is open and tolerant but not quite ready to accept gay marriage - someone like my mother, for instance.

Across the country Americans have taken bold stances on both sides of the issue. This week voters in Kansas banned gay marriage while the state of Connecticut passed a bill recognizing the civil unions of same-sex couples.

Gay marriage became a hot topic in this country just over a year ago when San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom asked the county clerk to grant marriage licenses for same-sex couples. Newsom's act prompted President George W. Bush to propose a constitutional amendment that would restrict marriage to persons of the opposite sex. The Vatican ruled "marriage is holy, while homosexual acts go against the natural moral law."

Here in California, Assemblyman Mark Leno, D-San Francisco, drafted legislation, Assembly Bill 19, that defines marriage as an act between two persons.

This Tuesday the San Mateo County Board of Supervisors is set to vote on whether or not to support Leno's bill. The ceremonial vote will pass by at least a 3-2 vote with board President Rich Gordon and supervisors Adrienne Tissier and Jerry Hill voting yes. Supervisors Mark Church and Rose Jacobs Gibson have not said they will vote yes.

The symbolic endorsement of Leno's bill at the county level is due in large part to long-time pressure by two San Carlos women and their daughter. Ramona and Arzu Gatto and their daughter Marina are the county's primary faces representing the LGBT community over the past year and longer. Ramona and Arzu were married in San Francisco last year after being denied a marriage license in this county.

Their marriage and all other same-sex marriages were nullified by the courts, however, and the battle continues.

When it comes to this battle, though, I'm puzzled as to how a 16-year-old heterosexual girl from San Carlos has become the poster-child for gay marriage. Marina Gatto's passion and commitment to her family and the cause is inspirational to say the least. But aren't there other gay and straight people in this county besides a teenage girl who are willing to fight against discrimination?

There are at least 2,000 same-sex couples registered in San Mateo County and thousands more in the LGBT community that live throughout the county.

But how do you convince the president of the United States, the Vatican or your own mother that discrimination is wrong and that the laws of this state and country are unjust when it comes to gay marriage.

Since it's unlikely I'll hold an audience with the White House or the next pope anytime soon I figure I can at least try to convince my mom to support gay marriage.

My mom, who taught me to be compassionate and loving toward others, does not support gay marriage and draws on the bible for ammunition in defending her stance.

Supervisor Rich Gordon, an openly gay man who is in a committed relationship with his partner for 22 years, would say to my mom "when two people love each other, why stand in the way?" There is growing evidence that being gay is genetic and not a choice. Gordon would tell my mom it is not about religion but about granting equality to a group who are denied the rights and responsibilities of marriage that currently only straight people have.

The Rev. Terri Echelbarger, a Pacifica resident whose congregation set up shop in San Mateo, would remind my mom that it wasn't too long ago that interracial marriage was prohibited in this country. She would remind her of the separation of church and state and tell her that God's love is far more inclusive than we sometimes realize.

Karyn Skultety, a psychologist who heads the county's Marriage Equality chapter, would tell my mom she's not trying to change anyone's religious beliefs. "Civil marriage is a right everyone should have," she would say. She would tell my mom that discrimination will only end when straight allies stand up and fight for the basic civil rights of all.

Ramona Gatto, the outspoken marriage rights activist, would tell my mom there are gay people right in her neighborhood that may be afraid to be open about their sexuality for fear of being looked down upon by those who would call them sinners. Gatto would tell my mom that her daughter Marina deserves to have the same rights that children of straight couples have. She would tell her that invisibility is silence and silence is death.

Over the past several months, my mom has read all the articles and columns written about the Gattos. One would almost think the marriage rights issue was about them, at least at the county level. But it's not. Others in the county need to stand up and be proud. Show your faces. Join the Gattos at Tuesday morning's Board of Supervisors meeting in Redwood City and let the public know it is time to end discrimination and support equal rights for all.

This fight is the same fight Martin Luther King Jr. fought and won 40 years ago. It might take a while to win, but history shows us it can be won. Homophobes cannot be converted, but I believe the caring and loving people like my mom can be.

Bill Silverfarb's column runs every Friday. He can be reached by e-mail: silverfarb@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 105. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.