Fatal distraction?'

1). Their parents are over-scheduled;

2). The parents are ignorant of the needs of babies and young children and/or;

3). Too much is expected of them at home and at school. With the help of some of my favorite authors who truly understand the dilemma of today’s children in our culture — I am writing today of priorities.

What has motivated this column is a very tragic and disturbing news story today (April 20) about a 7-month-old baby who died from basically parental neglect. Of course, we don’t know the whole story, but from what was reported in the newspaper, the lives of the parents were chaotic, as are the lives of so many parents today. Though one’s heart goes out to the parents, it is apparent that there were a lot of things they (and no doubt many other young parents) didn’t learn that are important about parenting before they had children — things that our culture doesn’t seem to take seriously. Number 1 is that children are extremely precious — precious enough for parents to be willing to sacrifice or delay many of their personal desires, including having children before they are ready.

They’re not ready if they think they have to go to the gym to work out (or have their nails done and their hair colored, etc.) even when they have little time with the family and/or are strapped for money; if they must have every new electronic gadget that comes along — or the latest and most impressive handbag, often running up huge credit card bills that they have trouble paying off. Add if they have to do what they want to do when they want to do it in spite of their children’s needs. Two child advocates explain it well:

"The material standards of living many of us enjoy and all of us aspire to are higher than they have ever been, but in achieving them, society has undercut the lifestyles that all caring relationships, including parenting, used to depend. Our present lifestyle has no obvious place in it for children; no easy way for adults to function simultaneously as respected economically solvent individuals and as caring parents” — Penelope Leach, author of "Are We Shortchanging Our Children?”

"The truth is that kids can’t bond with a moving target. They can’t become attached to someone who is not there or only occasionally there. Parents who are preoccupied with their jobs, themselves or their problems are not available to their children” — C. Kent Hayes, ‘Why Good Parents Have Bad Kids.”

Young parents are often victims of our culture that does not adequately value our children — except as potential consumers. If we did, it wouldn’t be so difficult for many parents to find quality day care arrangements or other caretakers that they can afford. We would make it possible for more mothers to be at home with their babies and toddlers more of the time. The minimum wage would be increased. We would value our children enough to help them grow up with an appreciation of the responsibility of parenting and model for them the importance of being able to delay gratification for the benefit of the family.

We would insist that our education hierarchy get its head out of the sand and provide appropriate education for all children — not just the college bound. We would insist that the schools provide comprehensive sex, family life, and parenting education. We’d promote birth control. We’d demand that corporate interests stop producing and advertising food for children that compromises their health. We’d slow down enough to take stock of how our modern culture is impacting our kids.

Sylvia Ann Hewlett wrote in "When the Bough Breaks,” "Hundreds of thousands of children have been left to fend for themselves in a society that is increasingly inhospitable to children ... . Saving our kids is not just the compassionate thing to do and the moral thing to do; it also happens to be the fiscally responsible thing to do ... . Doing what is right by our kids builds up our competitive strength and knits together the raveled sleeve of this society, but it also produces a kinder and gentler nation.”

It seems that at regular intervals we hear about babies who have died when left in overheated cars because of parental confusion and/or neglect. Shouldn’t this be seen as a wake-up call for parents and our culture to take their responsibility to our children more seriously?

Since 1984, Dorothy Dimitre has written close to 500 columns for various local newspapers. Her e-mail address is gramsd@aceweb.com.