Bringing loneliness into the light during holidays

Nearly a year ago, I sponsored a resolution declaring loneliness as a public health crisis, making San Mateo County the first in the nation to do so.

The resolution was prompted by U.S. Surgeon General Vivek Murthy after he declared loneliness an epidemic, noting that it can lead to poor health outcomes such as heart attack, stroke, suicide and that it impacts nearly 50% of all Americans.

Earlier this month, The New York Times published an article “A New Campaign Against Loneliness Starts With a Potluck.” It detailed Murthy’s work to address the epidemic and his framework to tackle loneliness with the mantra to create a national culture of connection.

This past year, I’ve worked closely with nonprofit Peninsula Family Service, academics and experts in the field including UCSF Professor Carla Perissinotto, California Volunteers in Gov. Gavin Newsom’s Office and staff in the county’s Behavioral Health and Rehabilitation Services to see how the county can enact some of Murthy’s many recommendations locally.

I’m proud to say the county has invested greatly this past year in mobility options for older adults who are often isolated; peer support for those feeling isolated and others undergoing behavioral health challenges; unarmed mobile mental health support; mental health awareness and suicide prevention.

But what about the holidays and our everyday interactions with the people around us?

In The New York Times article referenced earlier, it mentions Dr. Murthy’s recently published handbook “Recipes for Connection” and a new private initiative inspired by Murthy’s work called Project Gather.

Murthy writes in the introduction, “just as we need food and water, we need social connection to be healthy.” The handbook and Project Gather aims to reintroduce us all to the benefits of eating together, whether it’s a pastry at the local coffee shop, a group visit to a taco truck or a neighborhood gathering cookout or potluck.

Murthy’s handbook shares stories from others including one called “Bites at the Bus Stop” by Noreen in California.

Noreen discussed her ritual of enjoying a muffin every morning while waiting for the bus. She noticed an older gentleman who took the same bus at the same time as she did every day, so she decided to strike up a conversation with him and offered him a bite of her muffin.

That one act of kindness turned into a seven-year friendship between Noreen and Otis until his death in 2019, where she reflected at his funeral that an unexpected friendship can form over the simple act of sharing a bite of muffin.

Another story Murthy shares is “Serving Home-Cooked Connections” by Maya in Washington, D.C., who volunteered at a program called Community Meals. She thought she would be packaging to-go meals but realized the program provided a restaurant-style experience where everyone was welcome and sat at communal tables.

After serving meals, Maya would join a table that created opportunities to connect with people she otherwise wouldn’t have. Sometimes families shared stories of facing unanticipated challenges and other times the conversations were all laughs. Maya said, “before the meal, we were all strangers. By the end, we truly felt connected, uplifted and grateful to be in each other’s company.”

These are two small examples of how sharing a bite, volunteering and striking up conversations with strangers can lead to meaningful connections and help to lift loneliness into the light.

So, I am encouraging all Daily Journal readers to be sensitive to the fact that this time of the year isn’t always so joyful for everyone. I am encouraging you to be genuinely kind to strangers, to strike up a conversation with a workmate you don’t normally interact with, to call a family member you haven’t spoken with in a while, to get out of the house over the holidays and do a little volunteering and to be reasonable with what you expect of yourself and others. 

With that, I wish everyone a very happy, healthy and connected Thanksgiving.

David Canepa is vice president of the San Mateo County Board of Supervisors.