2022 was a bodacious bounty of buffoonery

Add in climate change, inflation, political posturing, COVID and the looming threat of recession and there is oodles of worry that 2023 won’t be a whole lot better. But fear not, dear reader, help is on the way.

Fortunately, you have the priceless benefit of this ultra-alert and upbeat scribe who is more than ready, willing and able to lift your weary spirits by pointing out some of our fabulous foibles. We live to serve.

The past year had an overflowing bounty of blatant buffoonery, bone-headed decision-making and bloviating bluster. A litany of mistakes, mishaps and muffed opportunities seemed to be everywhere.

So let’s take a gander at some of the highlights, or lowlights. Here goes — brace yourself:

Woodside tries to be creative: More than a few of the Peninsula’s exclusive villages found themselves in a bind over how to handle new state housing rules that essentially wiped out exclusive single-family home zoning. Woodside became especially creative. Town officials there decided to declare that the regulations didn’t apply to their wealthy enclave because it was a protected habitat for endangered mountain lions. The novel ploy didn’t work. The blowback was ferocious. There was a great deal of righteous huffing and puffing among the state’s left-leaning pols. No shock there. Within days, though, the feline exemption request was pulled. Nice try, though.

Keep this guy’s name off the guest list: Timing is everything. Just ask the folks involved with the College of San Mateo. As the two-year institution observed its centennial in 2022, its former chancellor, Ron Galatolo, personally soiled the landmark year by being charged with a depressing series of alleged illegal activities by the San Mateo County district attorney. Galatolo claimed he was innocent of the crimes but he most assuredly was not a guest of honor at the school’s 100-year bash. Small wonder.

San Francisco debuts high-end doggie diner: In San Francisco, a hotbed of “progressive” ideas, demands and concerns, there is nothing quite like the diet of dogs to lay bare the priorities of the wealthy denizens of Burlap by the Bay. In 2022, an elite cafe for pampered canines (which outnumber children in San Francisco) was unveiled there. The cost of a specialized dog-friendly meal: $75 (tip not included). Suddenly, fretting about income inequality, rampant public drug abuse, high housing costs and the proliferation of homeless encampments disappeared in favor of fab food for Fido. Whoppers? No way.

Hey, Elmer Fudd, come on down: Corey Cafferata is the new women’s basketball coach at Foothill College. He’s never been shy. A master of marketing and public relations, when it comes to discussing his efforts to place former players at four-year schools, he was quoted as saying he works hard to place his players at four-year institutions, no matter the school, whether it’s “San Jose State or the Bugs Bunny College of the Bible.” Elmer Fudd, come on down. Bring a copy of the Good Book.

Dimwits like us need not apply: This past summer, an enterprising outfit advertised a special robotics program for the area’s young people. It was touted as “an exclusive program with the kids of some of Silicon Valley’s smartest parents.” In other words, the children of hapless dummies and pathetic dimwits like the rest of us need not apply. Any emphasis on the current buzzword “equity” was nowhere to be found. How rude.

Mary Poppins was never like this: Still in the halls of academe, Philadelphia’s huge public school system urged its teachers to attend a conference focused on transgender issues. The affair, according to published reports, featured a wide variety of topics, including: “prosthetics for sex,” “adult toys,” “Mary Poppins fetishes,” “kink activities” and “spanking.” Whips optional.

John Horgan, who has never found Mary Poppins to be particularly alluring, can be contacted by email at johnhorganmedia@gmail.com.