Parents and children coping with isolation during shelter-in-place orders in San Mateo County

Spiegel, with more than 40 years of experience studying the effects of stress on health, said that not spending time outdoors is an issue for children who struggle with managing high bouts of energy.

“One of the problems is kids are full of energy that needs release and it’s hard to do that when they’re not outside,” said Spiegel. “Try to get physical exercise. That’s important, and make sure they get sleep. When we don’t, we’re falling asleep in the middle of the day. Kids just get agitated.” 

Although younger children may be excited their parents are spending more time at home, Spiegel said teens who have greater independence and feelings of being invincible may find the extended isolation difficult with which to cope. 

“It’s different with teens who miss hanging with friends. One thing that helps older children is giving them tasks to make them part of the team, not just a burden,” said Spiegel. 

In the short term, children may show signs of stress through outbursts of agitation and restlessness, but parents can help their children regulate those emotions by legitimizing their feelings, said Mark Cloutier, chief executive officer of Caminar. 

“Kids are dealing with a loss of stimulation from the loss of going to the park, to school. The presence of physical activity improves your mood and a lack of it can lead to anxiety and depression,” said Cloutier. “Parents with kids with special needs have even more complications and I think kids are vulnerable. This is a confusing time for them. It’s a confusing time for parents to engage more deeply with them to evaluate how they’re feeling. Normalize that so they don’t feel isolated.”

Caminar is a nonprofit behavioral health organization founded in San Mateo serving 20,000 individuals across San Mateo, Santa Clara, San Francisco, Solano and Butte counties. During a remote program hosted by Caminar, Dr. Jess P. Shatkin, professor of child and adolescent psychiatry and pediatrics at the New York University School of Medicine said helping to structure days, empathizing with loss and validating emotions can help young children and teens manage through the uncertainty.  

“We want to stay close, we want to be connected and yet at the same time we recognize social distancing has to happen. So help them manage that. That’s a really difficult thing because everything about evolution is driving our kids towards being together and of course they’re going to want to break the rules and spend time together,” said Shatkin.  

Spiegel recommends guardians consider their children’s baseline of behavior, noting if they tend to be sad or avoidant. He said worries should arise if kids begin engaging in arguments and escalating fights that may occur due to a change in routine. 

“Going to school is a protection and escape for kids who are feeling disassociated or risk harming themselves. If they begin saying they don’t want to be around anymore or have a history of those thoughts, take it seriously and contact health professionals,” said Spiegel. “The thing I worry about with teens is that they think they’re immortal and they are less likely to review social distancing. Parents need to reinforce to them how important it is. And things like vaping and smoking put you at a higher risk of lung inflammation. Whatever you did before, don’t do it now.”  

Spiegel said it is too early to tell what the long term effect will be on children experiencing chronic stress brought on by the pandemic, but research shows an increase of the stress hormone, cortisol, can have long term effects on the expression of mental disorders like depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder and other mental health disorders. 

Parents can monitor their own behavior as an immediate effort to alleviate possible stress on their children, said Spiegel, adding that children are highly receptive and will pick up on emotions. 

“We have to watch ourselves. Our fuses can get short because we’re worried about infections, financial problems, all sorts of things. We all have to be extra careful,” said Spiegel. “As an adult you’re passing stress. When you’re short tempered they just see that as their family members don’t love them that much. They think it’s them and if that’s the attention they’re getting they’ll do things to provoke that response.” 

He said maintaining a sense of normalcy can mitigate long term consequences and this moment of crisis can be an opportunity to either do damage or to pull together.  

“We can’t do anything to the damn virus but we can do something to cope, set aside time to heal yourself,” said Spiegel.