Guilty Pleasures

· Guilty Pleasures has been shouting from the El Camino that scripted television has made its way back to the small screen with ABC's newest hit, "Lost." Nearly ready to pay people to watch the show if they have not tuned in already, GP is anticipating the demise of reality programming with this rejuvenation of quality television. Wait, don't quote me on that. "Growing up Gotti" may be coming back with another season.

· William Shatner finished filming a secret reality show in his home town of Riverside, Iowa last week. Originally, "James T. Kirk" led the small town to believe he was filming a prequel to the Star Trek series that made him a legend (and I use that word with great hesitation). The 930 members of the community were filled with enthusiasm over their local hero's return and were beyond disappointment to later hear they would be made a mockery of on national television. Shatner announced at a town hall meeting last Thursday, according to the Iowa City Press Citizen, that he wanted the residents to be as natural as possible and donated $100,000 to the town of Riverside. What is that, about $10 per person for hush money? No wonder this made national headlines.

· LG recently released a new refrigerator with a built-in LCD plasma screen television adjacent to the ice maker. With their slogan, "Life is Good," the announcer boldly points out in the commercial that "our" two favorite things, food and television, are now in one convenient location. You know what I have to say to that? Life is good. Now pass me a soda and hurry up and close the door.

· Jennifer of The Apprentice, Season 2, was "fiyad" last week by "The Hair," and ended up losing her real life job as a real estate agent with Prudential. Last Wednesday's task involved the creation of a restaurant in which soliciting new patrons was a key ingredient to the success of the mission. Jennifer, who served as Project Manager for the assignment, decided that two women in particular generated the loss for her team. "It was those two old, Jewish fat ladies. Really. They were like the pinnacle of the New York jaded old bags." In response, Prudential's VP told the Albany Times-Union the company didn't need someone who subscribed to those beliefs working for their organization. See ya, Jen C. You're fiyad - again.

The New Kids on the Block (this week)

· Amazing Vacation Homes (Monday, 9 p.m., Travel Channel) Whether or not this is a worthwhile program remains to be seen, but their slogan is priceless: "Some live out their dreams. Some live in them."

· Vice Presidential Debate (Tuesday, 6 p.m., PBS) The debate doesn't have a slogan yet, but I think we could tamper with the one from above. "Some have dreams that others would call a nightmare," or "Some live in their dreams and the rest of the country gets pulled in." Take your pick.

· Lost (Wednesday, 8 p.m., ABC) Episode three, day 3. What do I have to do to get you people watching? Drag you off to a deserted island so you can relate to the program? Get on board, already.

· Drew Carey's Green Screen Show (Thursday, 8:30 p.m., WB) As the studio throws out suggestions for skits, a la "Whose Line is It Anyway?" Carey and his new ensemble act out these suggestion in front of a "green screen," allowing for the ideas to come to life. For those of you who are old enough, this used to be called using your imagination.

· Presidential Debate (Friday, 6 p.m., PBS) With one down and two remaining, Senator Kerry and President, uhhhh ... ummmm ... uhhh ... Bush, face off in yet another guarded debate. Will Kerry diligently take notes as he did last week? Will Bush ask for more time when he has nothing to add? Will Teresa and Laura wear matching outfits ... again? Tune in to uhhhh ... ummmm ... uhhhhh ... find out.