Zombie franchise dies with 'Survival'

While Romero’s sixth zombie movie shows flashes of his signature cheeky sense of humor, it’s never frightening or suspenseful. "Survival of the Dead” is little more than a rehashing of the old feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys — albeit one that’s shot like a Western, features Irish families and takes place on an island off the coast of Delaware. An island inhabited by ... zombies. Hey, points for coming up with such a random combination of factors, if nothing else.

As always, Romero finds creative methods of doing away with the undead. A bunch of their severed heads are placed on sticks, where they sit murmuring and grumbling to themselves until they’re picked off, one by one, target-practice style. Another guy gets a fire extinguisher hose shoved up his mouth until his eyes and ears explode from his head.

It’s good for a twisted laugh. But mostly, the movie is just a drag.

"Survival” picks up where "Diary” left off, with the opportunistic guardsmen stopping the film students’ Winnebago and stealing their camera equipment and supplies. But with the zombie population increasing, the soldiers find they have few places left to hide. Under the guidance of the super-macho, chain-smoking Sarge (Alan Van Sprang), they head out to Plum Island, which has been touted online as a safe zone.

Of course, it’s not.

Upon arrival, they find themselves in the middle of a longtime dispute between the O’Flynns, led by the crafty patriarch Patrick (Kenneth Welsh), and the Muldoons, led by the pious Shamus (Richard Fitzpatrick). The O’Flynns want to take the zombies out by shooting them immediately on sight — which makes sense. The Muldoons, meanwhile, want to preserve them in case there’s a cure for the plague — something to do with religious reasons, as Shamus explains it.

An even more formidable force, however, is the campy acting among these sparring clans. The first time they meet on screen, the two family heads greet each other by their full names in the fakest Irish accents imaginable; it’s like something out of a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

Not that Van Sprang proves himself to be a master thespian by comparison. Upon the death of one of his men — a supposedly powerful moment — Sarge yells, "Why? Did I bring you? WITH ME???”

By the end, we’ll wonder why any of us came along.

"Survival of the Dead,” a Magnet release, is rated R for strong zombie violence/gore, language and brief sexuality. Running time: 90 minutes. One and a half stars out of four.

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Motion Picture Association of America rating definitions:

G — General audiences. All ages admitted.

PG — Parental guidance suggested. Some material may not be suitable for children.

PG-13 — Special parental guidance strongly suggested for children under 13. Some material may be inappropriate for young children.

R — Restricted. Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian.

NC-17 — No one under 17 admitted.