May-day! May-day! — Someone was arrested for trying to kick down a door and fight a bartender on El Camino Real in Redwood City, it was reported 8:46 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 9. 

REDWOOD CITY

Seriously, one per customer: Someone keyed another person’s car and left a note saying, “Stop taking up multiple spaces” in San Mateo, it was was reported 8:23 a.m. Monday, Dec. 1.

Hi, this is your Concast provider — Someone reported monetary losses via a phone company scam on Bainbridge Street in Foster City, it was reported 1:18 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 25.

Grand Theft Laptop — A man stole two gaming laptops from an electronics retail store on the 1100 block of Industrial Road in San Carlos, it was reported 1:16 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 28.

Roamin’ numerals — An ex-employee redeposited three business checks by changing the check numbers, resulting in a loss of over $38,000 in Belmont, it was reported 11:59 a.m. Thursday, Oct. 30.

Wrong Way Corrigan: Someone on a scooter was riding in the opposite lane of traffic on Old County Road and Ralston Avenue in Belmont, it was reported 8:37 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 28. 

Bring forth the frauds — An instance of fraud occurred at Mater Dolorosa Church on Miller Avenue in South San Francisco, it was reported 8:52 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 19. 

Split screen: Someone’s package containing two TV screens was stolen on Glenview Drive in San Bruno, it was reported 1:01 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 11. 

White up your street — Part of a red curb was painted over to shorten the length of a red zone in San Mateo, it was reported 2:59 p.m. Friday, Oct. 3.

Kind of pitchy, dawg — Loud music and singing was reported on Treasure Island Drive in Belmont, it was reported 1:02 a.m. Sunday, Sept. 28.

Junk in the trunk: Someone in a gray Toyota Prius took multiple bags from a driveway that were left for donation pickup on West San Bruno and Cherry avenues in San Bruno, it was reported 11:06 a.m. Wednesday, Sept. 24.

Go directly to mail jail — A mailbox was broken into on Laurie Meadows Drive in San Mateo, it was reported 10:36 a.m. Tuesday, Sept. 9.

Try as you might — Someone’s bike was stolen from their locked bike cage on El Camino Real  in Redwood City some time in the past two months, it was reported 2:19 p.m. Friday, Sept. 5. 

The froot thief — Someone climbed over a neighbor’s fence and stole her apples from her tree in San Mateo, it was reported 7:59 a.m. Tuesday, Aug. 26.

Make America Late Again — A man in a red hat stole a watch on West Hillsdale Boulevard in San Mateo, it was reported 10:15 a.m. Sunday, Aug. 24.

Bump in the night — Loud music was reported from a residence on Admiral Court in San Bruno, it was reported 12:22 a.m. Sunday, Aug. 17.

I drink your milkshake! — A man in a red 49ers jersey and dark pants tried to enter through the window of another person’s home in San Mateo, it was reported at 2:58 a.m. Saturday, Aug. 9.

Breaking e-Way: Someone reported 20 e-bikes speeding on the levee by Beach Park Boulevard and Foster City Boulevard, it was reported 12:51 p.m. Friday, Aug. 1.

Crooked club: An instance of petty theft occurred at Golf Mart on Noor Avenue in South San Francisco, it was reported 3:59 p.m. Monday, July 21.

You are not a loan: Someone took out loans in someone else’s name on Acacia Drive in Burlingame, it was reported 2:26 p.m. Friday, July 18.

Stuck in the middle with you: Someone parked in the middle of the street with no one in the vehicle on Madrone Street in Redwood City, it was reported 11:27 p.m. Sunday, July 13.

Dirty driver — A vehicle collided with a garbage enclosure on East Hillsdale Boulevard in Foster City, it was reported 8:47 a.m. Tuesday, July 8.

Pass the dutchie to the left-hand lane: Two men were smoking a joint inside a gray or blue Nissan Altima in Redwood City, it was reported 1:01 p.m. Saturday, June 28.

Urine trouble now: A bucket full of liquid was found near someone’s mailbox on Beach Park Boulevard in Foster City, it was reported 8 p.m. Monday, June 16.

Insurance provided by AAAi — An automated vehicle collision notification was received on Emerald Bay Lane in Foster City, it was reported 9:01 a.m. Tuesday, June 17.

At least it wasn’t the ‘FBI’: Someone claiming to be the IRS rang a doorbell on Buoy Lane in Redwood City, it was reported 6:10 p.m. Thursday, June 5.

Beep the Meep: An audio sensor from a backdoor laundry room was heard making noises on Middlefield Road in Redwood City, it was reported 6:55 p.m. Thursday, June 5.

School of hard knocks: Two students were involved in a fight on Quesada Way in Burlingame, it was reported 10:26 a.m. Wednesday, May 28.

‘Free’to-Lay: Two people attempted to steal chips on El Camino Real in San Mateo, it was reported 8:25  p.m. Monday, May 19. 

Aye aye eye: Someone got hit in the eye on El Camino Real in San Mateo, it was reported 4:46 p.m. Thursday, May 8. 

You on MySpace? Someone was assaulted over a parking disagreement on Woodside Road in Redwood City, it was reported 6:38 p.m. Thursday, April 17.

You’ve got the wrong IDea: Someone stole an ID badge from an unlocked vehicle on El Camino Real in Burlingame, it was reported 2:18 p.m. Tuesday, April 8.

Sock it to me: Someone stole socks from a store on El Camino Real in Burlingame, it was reported 7:04 p.m. Tuesday, April 8. 

Your job’s a joke, you’re broke ...

Dirty deeds: Someone’s neighbor was dumping garbage on her property on Roosevelt Avenue in Redwood City, it was reported 1:44 p.m. Monday, March 17.

Steal the pack: A backpack was stolen on Lexington Way in Burlingame, it was reported 5:09 p.m. Monday, March 10. 

Lobby hobby: There were thefts in the lobby of an office over the past months on Old County Road in Belmont, it was reported 10:20 a.m. Thursday, March 6.

That’s a lot of cheddar: Someone  lost approximately $600,000 to scam involving target gift cards on Humboldt Street in San Mateo, it was reported 10:38 a.m. Friday, Feb. 21. 

A crying shame: Someone was arrested for shoplifting and unlawful possession of tear gas in San Mateo, it was reported Wednesday, Feb. 19.

Is your name Michael Diamond? Someone provided false information and was in possession of a fake identification card in Half Moon Bay, it was reported 2:02 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 8.

I was framed: Someone attempted to steal from Michael Thompson Framing on Harbor Way in South San Francisco, it was reported 12:51 a.m. Saturday, Feb. 1.

This isn’t constructive: A fight between construction workers and a delivery driver occurred on Humboldt Road in Burlingame, it was reported 3:41 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 28.  

Heavy lift: A gym was burglarized on Howard Avenue in Burlingame, it was reported 7:16 a.m. Sunday, Jan. 19.

Don’t have a Kawasaki, man! — Someone stole a dirt bike on Station Park Circle in San Mateo, it was reported 4:49 p.m. Sunday, Jan. 12. 

What time is it? — Someone signed for a delivery of a Rolex watch worth $10,500 but the box was empty on El Verano Way in Belmont, it was reported 3:22 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 9. 

Posthaste: Someone hit a post and dented it on Delaware Street in San Mateo, it was reported 12:59 a.m. Monday, Dec. 30. 

One fork the road: Someone stole silverware and cash worth $300 from a vehicle on Via Vista in San Mateo, it was reported 3:58 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 17. 

Gratuitous crime: Someone stole a tip jar from a store on Broadway in Redwood City, it was reported 4:56 p.m. Friday, Dec. 13.