March Madness — Five kids threw a ball at a vehicle on North Humboldt Street in San Mateo, it was reported 9 a.m. Sunday, March 29.

Hold it right there — Someone was repeatedly urinating on Middlefield Road in Redwood City, it was reported 5:35 p.m. Wednesday, March 25.

Going hard in the paint — A vehicle damaged basketball courts on Monte Diablo Avenue in San Mateo by doing burnouts, it was reported 1:02 p.m. Monday, March 16.

Rubbed the wrong way — Someone was scammed out of $100 after paying for a massage and escort service, then arriving to an empty lot on Alcott Road in San Bruno, it was reported 1:15 p.m. Wednesday, March 11. 

It’s a dog-eat-dog world — A dog was attacked by another dog on City Park Way in San Bruno, it was reported 1:25 p.m. Wednesday, March 4.

Starry night — A group of intoxicated teenagers was lying on the road and refused to leave in Redwood City, it was reported 9:32 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 26.

Encore! Encore! — Two people were jumping from balcony to balcony on El Camino Real in Redwood City, it was reported 7:44 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 12.

Red herring — A false red zone was painted on a curb on Altair Avenue and East Hillsdale Boulevard in Foster City, it was reported 7:38 p.m. Thursday, Feb. 5.

So, su shi me — Someone stole sushi rolls from a deli area and refused to leave after returning to the store on West San Bruno Avenue, it was reported 10:10 a.m. Thursday, Jan. 29.

Testing my patients — A staff member was hit by a patient on South San Mateo Drive in San Mateo, it was reported 6:41 p.m. Friday, Jan. 16.

Nice doggy — A beige spotted pit bull mix chased a person up a tree and other dogs on Herman and Scott Street in San Bruno, it was reported 3:20 p.m. Thursday, Jan. 15.

You can’t make an omlette — Someone threw eggs at a house on Highland Avenue in San Mateo, it was reported 8:40 p.m. Friday, Jan. 2.

Sneak a tack — Someone believes her neighbor is purposely leaving nails in her car in San Mateo, it was reported 3:28 p.m. Monday, Dec. 29. 

What a nightmare — A vehicle was stolen on Elm Street in Redwood City, it was reported 6:57 p.m. Friday, Dec. 12.

May-day! May-day! — Someone was arrested for trying to kick down a door and fight a bartender on El Camino Real in Redwood City, it was reported 8:46 p.m. Tuesday, Dec. 9. 

REDWOOD CITY

Seriously, one per customer: Someone keyed another person’s car and left a note saying, “Stop taking up multiple spaces” in San Mateo, it was was reported 8:23 a.m. Monday, Dec. 1.

Hi, this is your Concast provider — Someone reported monetary losses via a phone company scam on Bainbridge Street in Foster City, it was reported 1:18 p.m. Tuesday, Nov. 25.

Grand Theft Laptop — A man stole two gaming laptops from an electronics retail store on the 1100 block of Industrial Road in San Carlos, it was reported 1:16 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 28.

Roamin’ numerals — An ex-employee redeposited three business checks by changing the check numbers, resulting in a loss of over $38,000 in Belmont, it was reported 11:59 a.m. Thursday, Oct. 30.

Wrong Way Corrigan: Someone on a scooter was riding in the opposite lane of traffic on Old County Road and Ralston Avenue in Belmont, it was reported 8:37 p.m. Tuesday, Oct. 28. 

Bring forth the frauds — An instance of fraud occurred at Mater Dolorosa Church on Miller Avenue in South San Francisco, it was reported 8:52 p.m. Sunday, Oct. 19. 

Split screen: Someone’s package containing two TV screens was stolen on Glenview Drive in San Bruno, it was reported 1:01 p.m. Saturday, Oct. 11. 

White up your street — Part of a red curb was painted over to shorten the length of a red zone in San Mateo, it was reported 2:59 p.m. Friday, Oct. 3.

Kind of pitchy, dawg — Loud music and singing was reported on Treasure Island Drive in Belmont, it was reported 1:02 a.m. Sunday, Sept. 28.

Junk in the trunk: Someone in a gray Toyota Prius took multiple bags from a driveway that were left for donation pickup on West San Bruno and Cherry avenues in San Bruno, it was reported 11:06 a.m. Wednesday, Sept. 24.

Go directly to mail jail — A mailbox was broken into on Laurie Meadows Drive in San Mateo, it was reported 10:36 a.m. Tuesday, Sept. 9.

Try as you might — Someone’s bike was stolen from their locked bike cage on El Camino Real  in Redwood City some time in the past two months, it was reported 2:19 p.m. Friday, Sept. 5. 

The froot thief — Someone climbed over a neighbor’s fence and stole her apples from her tree in San Mateo, it was reported 7:59 a.m. Tuesday, Aug. 26.

Make America Late Again — A man in a red hat stole a watch on West Hillsdale Boulevard in San Mateo, it was reported 10:15 a.m. Sunday, Aug. 24.

Bump in the night — Loud music was reported from a residence on Admiral Court in San Bruno, it was reported 12:22 a.m. Sunday, Aug. 17.

I drink your milkshake! — A man in a red 49ers jersey and dark pants tried to enter through the window of another person’s home in San Mateo, it was reported at 2:58 a.m. Saturday, Aug. 9.

Breaking e-Way: Someone reported 20 e-bikes speeding on the levee by Beach Park Boulevard and Foster City Boulevard, it was reported 12:51 p.m. Friday, Aug. 1.

Crooked club: An instance of petty theft occurred at Golf Mart on Noor Avenue in South San Francisco, it was reported 3:59 p.m. Monday, July 21.

You are not a loan: Someone took out loans in someone else’s name on Acacia Drive in Burlingame, it was reported 2:26 p.m. Friday, July 18.

Stuck in the middle with you: Someone parked in the middle of the street with no one in the vehicle on Madrone Street in Redwood City, it was reported 11:27 p.m. Sunday, July 13.

Dirty driver — A vehicle collided with a garbage enclosure on East Hillsdale Boulevard in Foster City, it was reported 8:47 a.m. Tuesday, July 8.

Pass the dutchie to the left-hand lane: Two men were smoking a joint inside a gray or blue Nissan Altima in Redwood City, it was reported 1:01 p.m. Saturday, June 28.

Urine trouble now: A bucket full of liquid was found near someone’s mailbox on Beach Park Boulevard in Foster City, it was reported 8 p.m. Monday, June 16.

Insurance provided by AAAi — An automated vehicle collision notification was received on Emerald Bay Lane in Foster City, it was reported 9:01 a.m. Tuesday, June 17.

At least it wasn’t the ‘FBI’: Someone claiming to be the IRS rang a doorbell on Buoy Lane in Redwood City, it was reported 6:10 p.m. Thursday, June 5.

Beep the Meep: An audio sensor from a backdoor laundry room was heard making noises on Middlefield Road in Redwood City, it was reported 6:55 p.m. Thursday, June 5.

School of hard knocks: Two students were involved in a fight on Quesada Way in Burlingame, it was reported 10:26 a.m. Wednesday, May 28.

‘Free’to-Lay: Two people attempted to steal chips on El Camino Real in San Mateo, it was reported 8:25  p.m. Monday, May 19. 

Aye aye eye: Someone got hit in the eye on El Camino Real in San Mateo, it was reported 4:46 p.m. Thursday, May 8. 

You on MySpace? Someone was assaulted over a parking disagreement on Woodside Road in Redwood City, it was reported 6:38 p.m. Thursday, April 17.

You’ve got the wrong IDea: Someone stole an ID badge from an unlocked vehicle on El Camino Real in Burlingame, it was reported 2:18 p.m. Tuesday, April 8.

Sock it to me: Someone stole socks from a store on El Camino Real in Burlingame, it was reported 7:04 p.m. Tuesday, April 8. 

Your job’s a joke, you’re broke ...