It could be worse ...

In general, everything in the world appears to be fair game for general discontent. Is it really that difficult to slap a smile on our faces even if it is only because we're alive and well enough to grumble?

When something truly atrocious occurs - abuse of Iraqi prisoners and the beheading of American civilians springs to mind fairly quickly - it is easy to quickly agree that life isn't completely doomed for most of us. But on a daily basis, there are even more quirky little reminders that we should all take a deep breath, grit our teeth and realize it could always be worse.

Consider the following:

· On April 19, a 39-year-old Los Angeles construction worker had six nails driven into his head, face and neck in an accident with a high-powered nail gun. The nails barely missed his brain stem and spinal cord which could have caused death or paralysis. He is expected to make a full recovery, but still what a story ...

· In Haiti, poverty has driven women to some creative culinary concoctions. Contemplate the dirt biscuit - yes, a pinch of water, a dash of salt, some butter and the essential ingredient, dirt.

· You could have been born with "big head disease" like some impoverished children in China. A dark humored coworker pointed out that it could be worse for the mother - the disease could have swollen the tike's noggin before birth.

· A 22-year-old Utah woman recently had to wait four months to have her skull reattached after doctors temporarily removed it because of a battle between Medicaid and the hospital. The woman, who had been injured in an auto accident, was resigned to wearing a plastic street hockey helmet while the piece of skull laid in a hospital freezer. Eventually the fight over who would pay for the surgery was resolved and she was made whole but not before experiencing weeks of intense pain and occasional brain shifting.

I didn't realize surgery was like buying a one-way ticket. Note to self: always make sure closing surgery is included.

· A Los Angeles woman at Costco got a little more than she bargained for earlier this month when she bought a $1.49 hot dog and soda: try a live 9mm bullet. The woman bit in but thankfully didn't bite it (excuse the pun) when she chomped into the wiener. I'm sure she has a lawsuit coming so things could definitely be worse for her; Costco, however, probably knows that things could be better.

· A few months ago California schools got a windfall when a $28.5 million lottery ticket bought in San Lorenzo was never claimed. Imagine rummaging through a junk drawer some day, finding the ticket and realizing that you made the biggest financial mistake of your life. Might be enough to drive somebody to seek out those "special" Costco hot dogs.

· In Poland, a man was bitten to death by a horse aroused by a nearby mare. Try explaining that one in an obituary.

· A friend who works in the medical field reported that a baby girl recently born in a Central Valley hospital was slapped with this unfortunate moniker: Bootylicious Bikini Butterscotch. Try learning to spell that in kindergarten.

There is a fortune taped to my computer as a reminder that "Happiness is an attitude." Perhaps, but I'm sure whoever authored that nugget didn't have to wait four months for skull replacement surgery or eat a dirt biscuit. Happiness may be an attitude but it sure as heck is helped by the situations around us.

Happiness then, I guess, is realizing that most of us are lucky enough at least to have the basic necessities in life. And that, in turn, gives us the luxury to gripe about everything else.

Michelle Durand's column "Off the Beat" runs every Monday and Sunday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 104. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.