It’s one of those days. The kind of day when you’re certain the alarm clock didn’t just beep but actually mocked you. The kind of day when you walk into the coffee shop and the man behind the counter doesn’t ask you want you want. He simply states "three shots” and you don’t argue. The kind of day when you promise yourself that if you make it through — if you don’t actually get arrested for road rage or completely lose it when all you’re trying to buy is a salad and there is no such thing as an express lane — you will celebrate with a glass of Silver Oak just because you can and not because of a special occasion. You will fry a pan of bacon if that’s what you’re craving and not even drain the grease compulsively or maybe eat an entire bag of salt and vinegar potato chips. You’ll deserve it just for surviving yet another 24-hour period.
Yep, it’s one of those days.
In fact, though, you figure you shouldn’t even have to force yourself through such a day. The glass of wine and requisite fat-fest shouldn’t be necessary because you shouldn’t have to even deal with humanity and thus deserve a reward.
If life was fair and just, there would just be comfy pajamas and fuzzy socks. The day would mean drinking coffee at home on the couch, turning the phone to silent and watching "Foul Play” for the umpteenth time. The only point of contention should be asking the dog why he can’t seem to learn how to make a decent mojito, pay the bills or fold the laundry. If the dog appears to answer, maybe it means the mug held the cabernet instead of the caffeine.
But really, who cares? It should be one of those days when it doesn’t matter. Not the day you’re actually having.
The point is, when you wake up to the mocking alarm clock and your eyelashes have purposely glued together and despite the weather report for even a smidge of sun, a perpetual dark cloud hangs over your head, why can’t a girl (or guy) just call in to work cranky and hope a little online window shopping will make it all better?
But there is usually not a batch of bad mood days allotted in the standard work benefit package. Sick days, of course. Vacation, hopefully. Personal, sometimes. But cranky?
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Yet, just as the experts say you should stay home when ill as not to infect the coworkers, couldn’t the same be said for those in need of some good chocolate and an attitude adjustment?
There is a joke about calling in sick with an eye problem — not being able to see oneself going to work. While useful — not to mention entertaining — one shouldn’t even have to stretch the truth that far. One should be able to simply ring up the powers that be, explain that it’s in everybody’s best interest that surliness and a generally bad demeanor not be hauled into the office, and pull the covers back over the eyes.
But until the economy rebounds and everybody stops fearing being labeled a slacker, sick days are the only accepted way to spontaneously play hooky.
Fine enough.
Just know next time next time somebody begs off work with claims of pain and suffering, it might instead be a well-deserved crank(y) call.
Michelle Durand’s column "Off the Beat” runs every Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 102. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.
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Keep the discussion civilized. Absolutely NO personal attacks or insults directed toward writers, nor others who make comments.
Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
Don't threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
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Be proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
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