Rock on Polly Day

A birthday, I figured, is a time when you are expected to heap praises on a loved one while simultaneously convincing them that wrinkles and dementia haven't yet set in. A "Rock on" day, however, was a surprise to show that appreciation doesn't always have to be tied to candles.

I think of this because her birthday is actually two days away - a reminder that I can't recall the last time I decreed her arbitrary holiday. There always seems to be so much else to do, for both of us. There are late hours at work to keep, there are family emergencies to placate, there are significant others to date and often it doesn't feel like there is even enough time in the day for yourself let alone somebody else. But maybe that is when it is even more imperative to eke out the time. After all, who is typically the person you call to rehash those hours, those emergencies and those dates? Your friends.

Friendship is both complex and simple. Complex because it is often built on years of learning about each other and dealing with eccentricities; simple because the strongest ones can last through all the bumps it travels through those years. It is frequently the easiest thing to push to the wayside when something more pressing comes along but is also the foundation to get you through those same things.

Someone I once dated asked me, frustrated, why I was prioritizing the ties of my friendships over my relationship with him. "Because they'll be around long after you are gone," I quipped. Months later that turned out to be true.

I remember showing my pal the first obituary I had to write for my first official newspaper job. I remember her flashing me her badge with pride after securing her first law enforcement job. I know she's seen every Mel Gibson movie ever made multiple times and can recite obscure facts about his career. She knows I have a strange fondness for hedgehogs as a pet.

There are nearly two decades of bad hair cuts, worse fashion choices (we did live through the era of acid-washed and torn jeans, after all), inexplicable crushes, hefty phone bills and a personal shorthand of language that only we seem to understand.

Our friendship precedes compact discs, driver's licenses, first kisses and diplomas. After two more decades of birthdays that list will likely include weddings, kids, gray hair and AARP cards. There will also, I bet, be more than a couple more bad hair cuts. These are not things that should be taken for granted.

With the world full of war, with unforeseen events cutting people's lives short, with the media filled with bad news, why not take the opportunity to tap into something happy and sincere? The reality is that there isn't always a tomorrow to appreciate somebody important to you. And worse, there is rarely warning about when that final chance will be.

So Saturday I will help my best friend celebrate her birthday and I will make a strong mental note to surprise her with a "Rock On, Polly" holiday sometime in the future. I strongly urge anyone who reads this to think of those who matter most to them and do the same. Who knows? Some day somebody may do the same thing for you.

Michelle Durand's column "Off the Beat" runs every Monday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 104. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.