The time has come for me to put down, in writing, the names of all those who have done me wrong, and who I now consider to be my enemy.
I have encountered many people in my life, and in my career as a journalist, so it is natural for me to have enemies.
Here is the list:
Nobody.
That’s right. I do not have any enemies. And neither should you. Too many people consider others their enemies for whatever reason. A slight here, or there. A difference of opinion or philosophy. A different allegiance or political belief. Anything can put someone in that category.
Granted, there are some valid reasons for making someone your enemy but those are typically deeply personal. This is part of life. But at times, even the most egregious of acts can be forgiven.
At times, there are people who just don’t get along with each other for whatever reason. Sometimes a fight is necessary but it’s best to simply avoid contact and move on.
For the most part, I see that many people simply create a list of people in their head who they believe are too different from them to be considered a friend and, if they are not a friend, they must be a foe. From there, it is too easy to generalize and stereotype, which is where bias comes from and from where bigotry resides. It becomes a ritual. This is a dangerous place to be.
Instead, what I like to do is consider where someone arrived at their beliefs. People are complex and often arrive at things because of some previous slight themselves. Also, zealotry is often derivative of some form of trauma. You may not need to know the exact trauma, but it’s good to consider that may be the case. Another way to learn more is to ask the person. If someone has a radical belief or one that is different from yours, perhaps asking how they came to that may assist in understanding. It may also help you understand the situation better and perhaps even come to some sort of compromise.
Too often, enemies are made in the heat of a dispute when tempers flare and our atavistic impulses take over. It is there that our worst instincts arise. Better to take a break and come back when tempers cool.
Still, throughout our society, there is evidence of people fighting over philosophy of varying sorts and all sides deeply convinced they are right. This is not where progress is made. Progress is made in the airing out of views and finding common ground in which all can proceed together. Fake progress is when there are winners and losers, because inevitably the losers will counter the progress when the pendulum swings, and it does swing.
People also have the notion that sometimes their neighbors, or fellow residents of the same city, or even those in other areas of the country are enemies as well. It is true that this country has wide political chasms, but there is more that brings us together than tears us apart. If you consider that others in this country are your enemy, you are misinformed. The governments of other countries may be our enemy, but even most of the people in those countries are not our enemy.
Most people want better lives for themselves and their family and will devise ways to protect that core from threats. Sometimes that threat is in the form of limited resources and we see someone wanting to take what is ours. This is a natural instinct. But if we strip that down to its basic element, the need to survive and potentially thrive while protecting our families, we have common ground. From there, we can proceed in a way to seek understanding and from there, compromise.
Despite the various platitudes by the supercilious to the contrary, life does not have to be a zero sum game where there are winners and losers. People are more complex than pieces on a board game, and life is more complex than that game. It’s also too short.
In times of strife, there is too much emphasis placed on vanquishing enemies and too little emphasis on compassion and understanding. This is not a healthy way to live. Yet we cannot succeed as a collective people with this mindset.
They say disaster brings out the best in people because survival is stripped down to its basest level. Neighbors helping neighbors and all that.
Try thinking that way in normal circumstances, and perhaps you too can eliminate your enemy list and instead explore a deeper understanding of your fellow humans. You might even discover a little more about yourself. And maybe even make a new friend.
Jon Mays is the editor-in-chief of the Daily Journal. He can be reached at jon@smdailyjournal.com. Follow Jon on Twitter @jonmays.
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(20) comments
Well written, Mr. Mays. I wish you had sent a copy of this to Biden before he decided to disunite the nation with yesterday’s embarrassing rant.
The headlines should read: "Hypocrite right-wingers lose their minds over Biden's speech." Period.
Actually Tommy, if you saw the dividin’ Biden rant, you’d have to admit the only one losing his mind is Biden. Full stop. BTW, can you tell Biden that MAGA means Make America Great Again? He seems to imply being a patriot is a bad thing.
Terence,
Don't forget that MAGA means "easily fooled idiot" in Nigerian.
Well Ray, you have your answer as to who is willing to try… Unfortunately, it’s business as usual. Taffy, my friend, you forgot to add the translation of “rabid leftie” also means “easily fooled idiot” in Nigerian.
Terence,
I thought you would do better than "rabid leftie" for a reply. In one of your earlier comments you mentioned never getting a response from the left on questions from the right. I guess you mean like your response to the question of show us the proof of your "stolen election" bunk you spread every week. BTW, it has been while since I asked, how you are doing on your bamboo fibers?
Taffy, my friend, I thought you would do better - in general. There’s a reason I don’t do your homework for you, whether for easily searched issues or for supporting your panda diet study – because if I do, the information goes down a black hole. To wit, I provided numerous links on the efficacy of hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin treatments for COVID. What did you do with the information? You said you had to review the studies and get back to me. You never got back to me. Just radio silence. Perhaps you realized the information wasn’t to your liking so you just memory-holed the links. Instead of wasting a few minutes doing your homework, I’d rather spend those minutes having an extra cup of coffee or a spot of tea with my beautiful wife. BTW, how is your panda diet study coming along? Is it getting the same treatment as the links I provided? FYI, those links are still valid and continue to show the efficacy of hydroxychloroquine and ivermectin treatments for COVID. Too bad Dems don’t follow the science else we could have saved thousands, if not tens of thousands of lives. But then we’d go against Biden’s plan for COVID – you know, continue to let people die.
Terence and Tommy
There is wisdom in Jon's words.
If the comments section can serve as a microcosm for the Blue v. Red division in our country, maybe we could apply Jon's advice to the readers who frequent these pages... let's have no enemies list. It's worth a try... do you agree?
While we cannot control what our leaders say, we don't have to embrace their divisive rhetoric. The election is over... the left did not steal it. Not everyone agrees with a progressive agenda... the right is not comprised of extremists just because they don't like that agenda. So, who really benefits from the divisive rhetoric? The leadership on the left and right. It's time for some new leadership.
I watched the president's speech last night. His words did not surprise me... he has said the same things before. I read the response from his political opponents. Those words did not surprise me. They were more of the same. In both cases, the leaders... left and right... were excoriating those on their enemies list.
Jon's advice may be helpful in selecting new leaders. We need leaders who will look for common ground... leaders who will put a greater emphasis on compassion and understanding. The folks who contribute to the comments section can start doing those things now. It's worth a try... do you agree?
Ray - I don't agree. How can anyone overcome being called a fascist by a President who is flanked by Marines claiming to stand for democratic principles? The louder he yells about those principles he reminded me of a speech by Honnecker, the last president of the Deutsche Demokratische Republik (DDR), aka East Germany. I find Biden to be even more despicable than before.
Hey, Dirk
Maybe we do agree... I also found Joe's comments inappropriate. Funny... Joe referred to the rhetoric on the right as inflammatory... and he thinks his language was OK?
About those Marines... did you notice they were out of step and that their salutes were not properly timed? Non-verbal communication can be very powerful.
BTW... I thought your "broken record" comment yesterday was intended to be funny and not meant to be demeaning. We need more smiles and less snarls in the comments section... my.02 cents
Ray - it was intended to be funny but it appears that the original record owner did not get it. I felt sorry for the Marines having to witness this spectacle and stand at parade rest. I have from a reliable source that most Marines despise Biden and his military top.
Biden inflammatory language, Trump inflammatory language. Is that break even now? Dirk, your hypocritical outrage is expected--I totally get it. Ray--I may agree with you on this. Let's do 2024 sans both Biden and Trump. I'd go for that.
Hi, Tommy
Yes, inflammatory language comes from the top on both sides. That's not likely to change... ever. As a result, those at the top will draw a lot of criticism and pejoratives. We can choose to be a lot more temperate and feel we should.
2024... no Joe and no Donald? That sounds good to me as well.
Ray & Tommy,
In light of the Inflation Reduction Act I will add my penny.
2024, no Joe, no Donald and no Donald wannabes.
Tafhdyd...
And who decides which Republican candidates are on the "wannabes" list? Will an equal number of Democratic Party candidates be declared ineligible?
Actually, a Democratic Party wannabe list is not really necessary. It's not likely the DNC will approve a Blue team bench warmer like AOC or Robert Francis O'Rourke for 2024.
Well Ray, as I’ve said before, if you can stop folks from initiating their divisive rhetoric, I’m sure others would follow their lead. We’ll have to see if any make a good faith effort, but I won’t hold my breath. Actually, I’d prefer to see a good faith effort from some of our Blue friends in answering some of the questions you and others have posed. We both know many of these questions go unanswered.
Agree with the author that we don't need to see people as enemies. But, Ray, the both-sides thing makes no sense. Calling out something dangerous is not divisive nor is it in any way equivalent to the dangerous situation itself. The person shouting "fire" is not as equally dangerous as the arsonist. Our democracy is in trouble, and it is not in trouble due to the people who are pointing out the dangers, such as physical threats to election workers, the Jan. 6 insurrection and its attacks on capital police and hunting of elected officials in order to kill them, tactics to restrict voting access, etc. No, it is in danger because of the nonsensical, illogical, and dangerous propaganda and the people who believe it, from those who just repeat it to those who are recruited to terrorist acts because of it--targeting and killing abortion providers that has been occurring for decades to the insurrectionists on Jan 6, the very recent threats on FBI officials who are just doing their jobs to secure highly classified documents stolen by an unstable character, and smaller terrorist acts such as online threats of violence. These are not coming from "both sides."
Hi, Westy...
Thanks for a thoughtful rebuttal. I'll get back to you tomorrow.
Westy
Again, sorry I did not get to your post… which I found thoughtful and sincere… last night.
And the last shall be first... building on Jon's theme, we… readers from both sides of the aisle… can set aside the acrimony that is too commonly expressed in today’s political debates. We can… in these pages… stop looking at each other as enemies and insist on rhetoric that may be critical without being caustic.
You wrote, “The person shouting ‘fire’ is not as equally dangerous as the arsonist,” as a way to suggest that the voice in the wilderness… in this case Joe’s voice… is something we can and should accept. I disagree. When the voice shouting “fire” causes a stampede that injures and possibly kills, that voice is as equally dangerous as the arsonist who injures and possibly kills.
I am familiar with the left’s litany of allegations frequently visited upon their counterparts on the right. Some of those points are valid. However, I am also familiar with the left’s failure to acknowledge the litany of charges made by the right against the left. If we are to examine circumstances like the January 6 Capitol riots, then we must also examine the left’s support of the summer 2020 riots, a sitting member of the House telling liberals to confront conservative politicians in public, leftist activists calling for the death of police officers, the left’s leader in the Senate threatening Supreme Court justices, and the executive branch failing to take action when mobs arrive to intimidate Supreme Court justices.
Your rebuttal to my comments makes some good points... but I disagree that the scale is tipped unfavorably toward the right side of the aisle as you seem to suggest. In my view, no one wins when the scale is tipped. Joe’s speech was an effort to tip the scale to the right, and he needed to do so. He needed to do so because the scale was tipped unfavorably in his direction due to inflation, crime, poor foreign policy decisions, and the border crisis. Isn’t it peculiar that none of those things were mentioned in the Joe’s address on Thursday night as threats to our nation’s security and well-being?
Coming full circle… you believe “the both-sides thing makes no sense.” If you are convinced that Trump’s exhortations to his followers telling them to “fight” for their rights is dangerous, then convince me that Joe’s waiting to condemn riots two years ago was not dangerous. Convince me that condemning the Supreme Court after June 24 was not dangerous. Again, no one wins when the scale is tipped… and that applies to Trump as well as Biden. Leadership from the left and right deliver rhetoric intended to divide us. That’s why the “both-sides thing” makes total sense.
There has been recent talk of a civil war looming on the horizon. I don’t believe such talk. Going back more than 160 years, we can see slavery as the singular issue that would tear this country apart unless slavery could be destroyed. That war was not fought over political differences… it was fought to set people free. However, there was another aspect to the Civil War that is often overlooked. It’s simple… the people in the North and the people in the South genuinely did not like each other. That is a key element missing today… the notion that Americans do not like other Americans. Yes, the Anitfa crowd hates white supremacists and right-wing extremists hate the extreme left, but everyday Americans do not hate other everyday Americans. That’s why I’m betting that leadership’s inflammatory rhetoric may work to keep Americans in separate camps but it will not incite anyone except the fringe of the fringe to violence… violence which would be condemned by everyday Americans on the left and the right.
Thank you Jon! Many years ago when my husband was elected to be chair of a Presbytery committee (a Presbytery is the governing body of Presbyterian churches within a geographic region) a minister from one of the other churches declared war on our congregation. With Presbyterians that means lodging complaints and charges against each other, in our case, having dared to ordain my husband, a gay man as an elder. We were "enemies" for a few years until an opportunity arose for us to help demolish an old house in San Jose that would be converted into a shelter for battered women. Our pastor asked the pastor of this other church to join us in doing the labor and members of our two congregations came together on a hot Summer day. We stood side by side for hours, sweating, talking, laughing, pounding. By lunchtime I was worn out, nauseous, and not looking forward to more. I prayed that somehow something would happen to make the rest of the day easier. I spotted a heavy construction vehicle coming down the street and as a lark I ran out and waved it down. I told the driver what we were doing and he said he could help. In around a half hour his machinery completely demolished the house. We spent the rest of the day on the easier task of carting the remains into big piles, still talking, sweating, laughing. Two weeks later our pastor got a call from the other pastor. "No more fighting." He said. "You are good people, doing good works... we just disagree about this one, yes, very important thing, but that's not worth all this bitterness." Enemies no more. Why? Because we saw the humanity in each other and the good we could do together far outweighed what separated us. And..... let's hear it for prayers answered.
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