Dealing with change

Whether stress is produced by something in our environment (like the coronavirus or even illegal fireworks blasting away late into the night) and/or, more commonly, by our mental processes that respond to such disturbances, the response is similar. Our minds and bodies gear up for fight or flight, but it is up to us how upset we become and how we handle the problem.

We can use the energy created by stress as a precursor to motivation and creativity, and/or as a signal that we need to evaluate the situation. We also have the choice of keeping the physical and mental response to environmental stresses from becoming exaggerated. It depends upon how we think about the situation and how we think depends basically on our belief system. As William James once wrote: “The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another.”

Think about two types of people who have extreme belief systems that are likely to cause situations that lead to chronic stress for themselves and others. They are those who think they have to be in control all of the time and those who always let others do their thinking for them. Both kinds of beliefs are based on extreme insecurity and a great lack of healthy self-esteem. Both operate from fear — the first, fear of losing control and the second, fear of being true to oneself. We can probably think of people we know who fit the following descriptions — often people who, if we were to ask them, would have no clue as to why they are so stressed or what to do about it. It might even be us!

The first type thinks they should be in control of everything and will do anything to gain and keep control — including lying. They will go to great lengths to have their way because they must always feel superior. They believe that there’s only one way to think and do things and that they have all the answers.

People and things must always be logical and consistent according to their standards. If they make mistakes, they don’t admit to them. They feel that they have to keep control of others and all situations. If people and events don’t meet their expectations, they become very dogmatic. They must acquire superiority at any cost — whether through physical abuse, intimidation, dishonesty, contrived charisma. These are often the types who are involved in politics.

As Judy J. Johnson, author of “What’s So Wrong With Being Absolutely Right,” described type one. “Tenaciously, they cling to their steadfast beliefs when common sense and countervailing evidence suggest they should re-examine their faulty assumptions. With little reflection or humility, they are driven to defend themselves against facts, comments or questions that they interpret as direct threats to their intellectual integrity and personal dignity. As a result, we cannot get through to them.”

Type two is just the opposite. They think they have control over nothing, letting others do their thinking for them as they look to them for approval, often to their detriment as they put the needs of others before their own. They think it’s best that they do not express their feelings or even recognize them. They believe they do not have a right to their own opinion even if they know what it is and they think that they must never question authority from whatever direction it may come. Even the thought of change makes them feel very anxious. They are easily manipulated by type one.

As difficult as it may be to deal with anxiety and stress — to handle the pressure from outside and inside — we first have to recognize where it’s coming from and the way we view the world that may be contributing to it. Altering our belief system to change how we think about and react to stress-producing situations is the first step to being able to deal with a difficult situation. And the pandemic is truly a difficult situation.

“It’s our fallibility and uncertainty that makes us human. Our constant challenge is not to seek perfection in ourselves and others but to find ways to be happy in an imperfect world.” — Gordon Livingston, “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart.”

Since 1984, Dorothy Dimitre has written more than 1,000 columns for various local newspapers. Her email address is gramsd@aceweb.com.