Learning from tragedy

The triple murder/suicide was the ultimate act of domestic violence and there were plenty of signs that something violent could happen. Too often, friends, classmates or co-workers ignore signs of potential violence for a number of reasons. It might be an unwillingness to get involved or pry into something that may be seen as "private." Or it might be that others don't want to be seen as judgmental and open themselves to scrutiny.

If money was the reason, though it is hard to think it was the only reason, there are plenty of places families can get help through social services. But in this area and in this day and age, too often pride and putting on appearances get in the way of asking for help.

The Shoreview community is a close one, with working class and middle class living close and forming bonds of family and friendship. But somehow, that tight-knit community was unable to stop this senseless and tragic act. The lives that were lost should be mourned and the community should be allowed to heal without finger-pointing. However, there is a lesson here for all us. No one should be shy of asking for help or seeking help for a friend if their safety is in question.

On average, women are in nine times more danger in their own homes than on the street and alcohol or drug use is present in an estimated 65 percent to 80 percent of all family violence incidents.

Every day in the United States three to five women are killed by their intimate partners. To receive help for emotional, verbal or physical abuse to you or anyone you know, call the San Mateo County CORA (Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse) hotline 24-hours a day at 1-800-300-1080. Information on Family Violence Prevention can be accessed through the county's Human Services Agency: www.co.sanmateo.ca.us/hsa.dir/familyviolence or by phone 802-7500.

The tragedy of the Richards family has the capacity to rip open terrible wounds in our community. Through the mourning and the tears there is an opportunity for growth. Nothing can bring them back or reverse the course of history but we, as a community, should learn that asking for or offering help should never be discouraged. Through this tragedy, our collective community can become stronger. The next time something doesn't seem quite right or there is a question in your mind, think of the Richards family.