Shameless!

“As surely as you have to be a natural-born citizen and at least 35 years old to seek the presidency at all, so too do you have to be a shameless, chest-thumping, unapologetic narcissist — however discretely you might try to conceal that fact.” — Jean M. Twenge, Ph.D. and Keith Campbell, Ph.D., “The Narcissistic Epidemic.”

The impression we get from these men is: “I am so marvelous you should love me no matter what I do or say.” And, or: “I am more important than anyone else so I can break the rules and cause severe embarrassment for those around me.” There are, obviously, some deep-seated psychological problems here. As someone said: “It’s a pathetic ramification of the male ego.”

It’s a fact of life that some men are completely fixated on themselves (women have their own version) and behave like they are superior human beings and who have no feelings of empathy, shame, etc. Shame is no longer a deterrent to the actions of those who carry on in such ways. Trouble is, these days the more shameless some people are, the more attention they get in the media, which, no doubt, pleases them greatly.

So what is behind the arrogance, the obsession with themselves, the lack of character, self-control and feelings such as empathy? Possibly when they were young they were put on a pedestal — never receiving the discipline they needed. As Twenge and Campbell asked: “Were they showered with unearned praise, protected from their teacher’s criticisms, given expensive automobiles and allowed to have freedom but not the responsibility that goes with it?”

Or maybe they were so overcontrolled and severely disciplined when young that they are trying to make up for their past. Did they receive so little attention from their caretakers that are now going to show the world that they are important? Did they have to suffer through so much family dysfunction when they were young that they are now overcompensating in perverse ways? Bradshaw writes of childhood abuse and trauma damaging the frontal lobes of the brain and seriously affecting “their ability to have foresight and therefore their ability to act with prudence.”

Do we want men with lack of conscience, shame and the ability to feel remorse in positions that have so much influence on our nation’s future? The behavior of many politicians indicates a serious lack of character which surely isn’t limited to a particular foible. As Gordon Livingston, M.D. wrote in his book, “Too Soon Old, Too Late Smart”: It sometimes seems that our political system is designed to elect those whose narcissism and hunger for power overwhelms their professed concern for their fellow citizens.”

Unfortunately, these guys have no clue as to how their conduct reflects as black marks on their character. All of this clashes with a very important quality necessary to a politician — integrity — probably the most important quality for a politician because it’s so important that when we interact with someone or vote for them we know that they are what they appear to be. Can we trust them to be open and honest with us? Or is there a certain distance between us because they are hiding something — from a sexual indiscretion to a false persona that prevents us from knowing who they really are or, in extreme cases, flaunting their pathological narcissism with absolutely no shame? That there are so many men with such lack of character who are in public office and responsible for governing our country is appalling and bodes dismally for our future.

Honesty, responsibility and decency. Isn’t that where it’s at? As Ashleigh Brilliant quipped: “The help I need most is help in admitting I need help.

Since 1984, Dorothy Dimitre has written more than 1,000 columns for various local newspapers. Her email address is gramsd@aceweb.com.