Importance of grief

Then there is grief, which some could say is the opposite of love and attachment and yet very much caused by them, or rather the loss caused as love and attachment leave in some form. It too is something we don’t often reveal. It can be considered shameful. A sign of weakness. But it shouldn’t be. It is simply part of the palette of life. We sometimes choose our colors, and sometimes the colors choose us.

As we get older, we accumulate grief in its different forms. The death of a loved one. A confidant departing. A friend moving away. A mentor passing. Someone who was mentored moving on. A completed project. Every type of loss hurts and that is grief. We push it aside and hope that time will heal, and it does.

And yet it still rises up on occasion, particularly at times that are quiet and naturally reflective and can seize us if we let it. The natural impulse for many is to tamp it, yet some collect grief as easily as they do defense mechanisms. Some occupy thoughts through politics, sports or other addictions. Others take solace in the day to day. There is always much to do. There is cleaning, arranging, work, emails, bills, planning, lunches to be made and ponytails to perfect. There is plenty, for most. And it’s all important.

But even in the arena, when the incoming is hot and heavy, grief can grab you. Reminders are ever present. And it can combine with others, as it does over the years until the losses accumulate and grief is the underlying patina to your memories. If we are lucky, we can hold onto them until the very end when the memories are what make up most of our existence.

Until then, we move on and do what it is that we do best. We mentor anew. We begin new projects. We consider and take care of the needs of others. We live our lives and appreciate all that is given to us. Through our grief, we should recognize that life changes, and that what is considered to be a loss does not always have to be. There can be a shift, a new chapter.

Grief is a reminder that there is love and loss and connection and growth. As we move forward, it is an inevitability that we must carry with us in all of its forms, not as a burden but as a gift. Grief is evidence that life, with all of its messiness, has meaning and that we do too.

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You might be wondering after that last stretch of words if everything is OK. I can assure you it is. Great, even. It’s just that I’ve been processing this topic and thought sharing those thoughts might help others. And I guess I wanted to show that it’s not all just politics and news, sometimes there is life too.

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But on to something else. The always interesting Claire Mack will be at the San Mateo County History Museum 1 p.m. to 2 p.m. Mack was San Mateo’s first African-American mayor and she will be sharing some of her family’s history in the city — which dates back to 1913. It is part of the Courthouse Docket series. Go to historysmc.org/courthouse-docket for more information.

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After 34 years serving breakfast and lunch at the San Carlos train station, The Depot Cafe closed Sunday. On Feb. 19, owner Mary Noviscky and her family will be at the restaurant at 599 El Camino Real for the last time to say goodbye and hold a silent auction from 6 a.m. to 5 p.m.

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And finally, a bit of housekeeping. After more than five years at the Daily Journal, Samantha Weigel has taken a job with the city of San Mateo doing communications. It is sad to see her go, but we wish her the very best of luck in the new position. New reporter Zachary Clark will be covering Redwood City, Belmont, transportation, breaking news and the coast. Anna Schuessler will be shifting over to cover San Mateo, the county and legislation in addition to her previous beats of San Carlos and courts. New Senior Reporter Austin Walsh will continue to cover North County and education.

Jon Mays is the editor in chief of the Daily Journal. He can be reached at jon@smdailyjournal.com. Follow Jon on Twitter @jonmays.