Hot for teacher, cold about consequences

Mary Kay Letourneau is head of the class when it comes to educators accused of seducing their charges. Letourneau, a 34-year-old married mother of four, carried the 1997 news for months as she gave birth not once, but twice, with former sixth grade student Vili Fualaau. Even after seven years in prison, the former Washington teacher's scandalous case continues to spark debate on whether the relationship was fueled by lechery or love. After her release in August, she and her now-adult love announced plans to marry, spinning a creepy, illegal relationship spun into a misunderstood and unrequited love affair. The reverse Lolita became a modern Romeo and Juliet.

Society should be disturbed by Boicelli, Letourneau and any other teacher who becomes involved with a student. These are not college professors becoming chummy with consenting, adult students. These are grown adults who should know better no matter how permitting or mature the childish object of their affections appears.

Teachers aren't the only women who strike up intimate relationships with minors. In San Mateo County recently, two 20-something women gave birth to babies fathered by much younger boys. One boy was a cousin's son; another was a cousin. These cases don't carry the same scandalous taint of a teacher and student but are still abuses of trust. Yet these boys, too, were viewed by some as lucky rather than exploited.

So why isn't there an immediate bristling at the idea of a female teacher hitting on a student? Is it anatomy that makes the difference? Is it too many videos and movies promoting the fantasy of teacher who likes to offer a little private tutoring? Or, is it that people like Letourneau don't look like the run of the mill depraved bogeyman parents warn children about or the stereotypical male sex offender crowding the Megan's Law database?

These women aren't the dirty flasher in a raincoat, a stranger with candy roaming around school yards or even a Boy Scout Troop leader with too many sleepovers. They are attractive, smiling, smart and helpful. Their interest in a child is initially seen as nurturing, not naughty. They are thought to be compassionate, not creepy. And, when they are caught, these women become labeled as misunderstood instead of malicious.

Eyebrows should be raised by the general lack of revulsion at female perpetrators. If a male impregnated a 14-year-old girl, the love excuse offered by Letourneau and others would not even warrant a smidgen of consideration. The outrage would be tenfold and public sympathy nil.

Just months ago, the case of Calvin Cat came to light. Cat, a former Department of Motor Vehicles permit test instructor, is accused of inappropriately touching 14 females during their drive tests. Where were the comments wondering where he was when the rest of us took our first tests? Where were the convenient looks away? Would that case, too, have been different if it were a woman instructor and male permit takers?

The problem of gender inequity is apparent in other crimes, particularly sexual harassment and domestic violence. Men aren't supposed to be the victim in either case, often leading those crimes to go unreported. By giving them and statutory rape cases the "wink wink nod nod oh man where was she when I was that age?" treatment, we're perpetuating long-held stereotypes of women as victims and men as aggressors. It's not fair to either women or men of any age.

The law is gender neutral for a reason; a pair of ovaries doesn't automatically turn abuse into a less-significant seduction. If young victims are expected to feel comfortable coming forward, that lesson must first be learned.

Michelle Durand's column "Off the Beat" runs every Monday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 104. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.