Broken record

But now — and frankly, it’s not clear when this happened — anything and everything is fodder for a spot in the Guinness Book of World Records.

Case in point, not that long ago, a British man broke the world record for pulling a double-decker bus with his hair. Yes, Manjit Singh beat the previously-held record (who knew there was one?) by pulling the bus weighing 8.5 British tons for 69.55 feet across Battersea Park in London with ribbons attached to his hair.

A side note — the 59-year-old Singh previously had failed to break the record to pull a double-decker bus with his ears.

Who even thinks to try that?

Maybe that’s the reason Singh did — it is awfully easy to establish a record, or even break an existing one, if there isn’t a lot of competition for the crown. Lately, though, it is getting harder and harder to find a niche. Igloo? Done. Plasma TV? Forget it. Lipstick applications? Smiling face mosaic? Oh, yes. Frogger score? A given, as with any game. Calculating Pi? Been done at least 3.14 times. Longest high-five? You’d be better off grabbing some ribbons and hoisting a British vehicle.

Singh and his soft spot for double-decker buses aside, the latest trend in records appears to be food. Not the competitive eating of Chestnut fame or the sheer quantity battles that fuel each episode of Man vs. Food, but the creation of a football field-sized burrito or the largest pizza to ever be made. These are the feats to which some aspire in the quest for fame, no matter how brief.

This week alone, a Michigan restaurant manager announced plans to create a 9-foot, 5,000-pound snow cone which he believes will shred the 4,640-pound record which has stood for 10 years.

Hear talk of discord in the Middle East? It must mean that Israel recaptured the world record for the largest plate of hummus from Lebanon which set its own record in late October. That record was set to beat the previous Israeli record.

Note to self — stay out of that food fight.

An Illinois pasta maker is already planning a second attempt to make the world’s longest noodle. A previous try went limp after only 4,750 feet due to rain. Largest meatball is a common goal as is pie. Whatever happened to just growing a gigantic pumpkin and hauling it over to Half Moon Bay?

Mankind’s need to outdo one extends back far before Bobby and Cindy Brady climbed on a teeter-totter. Perhaps it is something in the genes pushing us to outdo and outlast. Or, maybe some folks are just really, really bored.

In any case, it is a pretty safe bet — through either sheer laziness or lack inspiration — my name will never grace the pages of Guinness.

And that’s for the record.

Michelle Durand’s column "Off the Beat” runs every Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 102. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.