Are some parents the new school yard bullies?

A San Mateo family told me a frightening tale of how their middle school daughter was the victim of cyber bullying. She received an e-mail from an anonymous source (the e-mail address used the name of a famous character) saying that she was a terrible and mean child who threatened people at school and needed peer review. It was signed "A concerned parent” and was copied to the school principal and the headmaster at a private school where she was applying for admission. Fortunately the student showed the message to her parents who were able to counsel and advocate for her.

A less fortunate student, named Megan Meier of Dardenne Prairie, Mo., killed herself after receiving nasty e-mails from her "on-line boyfriend,” a hoax created by parents of a former school friend. In both cases, cyber bullying was used by parents to make another child miserable. The target was a former friend or acquaintance of their own child. In both of these cases and many more, the students are girls and there is some kind of grievance on one side or the other.

Bullying is not new and most school children either receive it or dish it out at some point in their lives. But what is new is the involvement of parents (who are trying to retaliate for some perceived injustice, unfairness or jealousy) and the use of cyberspace.

With so many young people using Myspace, Friendster or Facebook as their online social life, Megan Meier’s tragedy has aroused concern from guidance counselors, techies, First Amendment advocates, parents, bloggers and parenting bloggers. As The New Yorker explained in its writeup of the Megan Myspace suicide, "They were all certain that something sick, and distinctly modern, had happened, but no one could agree about whether its source was a culture that encouraged teenagers to act too grown up or one that permitted grownups to behave like teenagers.”

Both the San Mateo parents and Megan’s family went to the police asking for help but were told no laws were broken. Megan’s family tracked down the culprits who admitted their involvement after learning of Megan’s death. The San Mateo family is seeking legislation to require that real names be used when signing up for on-line accounts. In the olden days, you could easily identify the bully in the school yard. Today, that bully, who could very well be a parent as well as a child, is hiding in cyberspace and creating as much, if not more, damage.

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Tomorrow is Super Tuesday, presidential primary day in almost half of the United States. With close races among the democrats and republicans, there is speculation that we might actually have a real convention this year if a nomination is not assured by spring. In the meantime political junkies are pondering the following: What influence will the endorsement of the Kennedy family have on the outcome? Caroline Kennedy recently endorsed Senator Barack Obama as the candidate most like her father, former president John F. Kennedy. Senator Ted Kennedy, dean of the democrats in the U.S. Senate, also followed up with his endorsement. Will Senator Hillary Clinton succeed in getting her delegates in Florida and Michigan counted? The democratic candidates had agreed to boycott these states because they had moved up their primaries despite pleas from the democratic national committee. Will former president, Bill Clinton, continue to play a major role in his wife’s campaign? Will the exit of John Edwards in the democratic contest, bolster Obama or Clinton’s campaign? Will Rush Limbaugh, the ultra-conservative talk radio host, have a nervous breakdown if the republicans pick John McCain as their candidate? Rush hates McCain almost as much as he hates the Clintons. How will independent voters, those who decline to affiliate with a party when they register to vote, affect the race in California where they are allowed to participate in the democratic primary if they request a democratic ballot? Maybe by tomorrow night we will know some, but not all of the answers.

Sue Lempert is the former mayor of San Mateo. Her column runs every Saturday. She can be reached at sue@smdailyjournal.com.