Stop the cycle

It might be a woman being dragged out on her front porch by her hair, or a man yelling at his wife in the middle of a crowded restaurant. Sometimes, though, domestic violence assumes such a silent role it surprises the most unsuspecting people.

Such is the case of the Richards family. On Aug. 18, police found 54-year-old Nicole and her two daughters, 17-year-old Alexa and 13-year-old Tessa, dead in their home's backyard freezer. Husband and father, Tony Richards, called police to report the murders before shooting himself in the head with a shot gun.

Police Chief Susan Mannheimer described the incident as an "extreme case of domestic violence." Friends and relatives were shocked into uncontrollable sadness but later called Richards an abusive husband.

On Friday, San Mateo Coroner Robert Foucrault released the toxicology results of the Richards family and the official causes of death. Nicole, as previously reported, died from blunt force trauma to the head, formally defined as severe cranial cervicocerebral. Alexa and Tessa died from asphyxia from manual strangulation and smothering, Foucrault said.

There were no unusual substances in the bodies of Nicole, Alexa or Tessa. However, there was a low amount of alcohol in Tony Richards' system. It was under the state legal limit for driving, Foucrault said.

In the wake of the tragedy, many are wondering how they could have prevented it. The key is getting the victim to get help fast and break the cycle of violence, said Melissa Lukin, executive director of CORA, or Community Overcoming Relationship Abuse.

Getting help

Things may be calm, but tension will begin to build. The abuser will become angry and force the victim to feel like they are doing something wrong. The cycle often erupts into an incident that doesn't always involve physical violence. Sometimes the police department is called to the scene while other times the incident is it kept quiet and "dealt with at home," said Lukin.

The key, she said, is getting to victims before they enter the "honeymoon stage" in which the abuser apologizes and promises not to act up again.

CORA operates a 24-hour hotline, Web site and teen chat room. It also provides programs throughout the county for victims attempting to overcome abusive relationships.

It is the only agency in San Mateo County with the sole purpose of serving victims and survivors of domestic violence. It provides free and confidential emergency, intervention and prevention services, including the county's only emergency shelter and transitional housing for victims and services in Spanish, English and Tagalog.

CORA was created in 2003 from two competing no profits, Sor Juana Inés and the Center for Domestic Violence Prevention. The combination allowed for the best of two organizations to merge - a well-managed 18-bed emergency shelter and a flexible Hispanic outreach program.

The organization managed to keep the level of funding both groups were receiving before the merger. In light of recent federal, state and local budget cuts to social services the organization is managing to stay strong.

This year, CORA lost $172,822 in federal cuts. CORA's total budget is $2.6 million and federal accounts for about 25 percent. The organization continues to thrive despite the cuts. It doubled its private fundraising goal to $600,000 and implemented progressive programs.

Emergency team

CORA's Emergency Response Team is paged each time a San Mateo County police officer is called to a domestic violence case. The officer asks the victim if it's OK if a CORA volunteer calls their phone to speak with them. If the person agrees, the volunteer immediately calls to inform the person about what options are available in San Mateo County to victims of domestic violence. Regardless of the initial phone call, volunteers follow up with each victim at least four times.

Last year, the team responded to 2,500 emergency calls. In July, the team responded to 50 calls. Of that, 12 people were either too drunk to call or said they already solved their problem, 18 declined to speak with a volunteer and 18 accepted the phone call from a CORA representative.

Former San Mateo police Lt. Barbara Hammerman was instrumental in creating the program and will be honored next month for her involvement with CORA. During an Oct. 19 domestic violence vigil in San Mateo's Central Park, an officer will receive the Hammerman Award for Excellence in Domestic Violence Law Enforcement.

Legal eagles help

CORA also takes calls to its 24-hour hotline for people not involved in an immediately dangerous situation. Last year 4,700 people called for help and 1,300 were referred to CORA's legal team.

While the 24-hour hotline counselor can help arrange enrollment in support groups, children's programs or a shelter, the most common questions revolve around legal issues.

"I swear, every batterer is a quasi-legal adviser and has the victim believe the law is on his side. That's the most frustrating type of abuse to me," said staff attorney Carlos Guillermo Salinas.

Every Wednesday, Salinas helps sort through 25 to 30 cases in the San Mateo County Superior Court domestic violence calendar - and that is just the cases in the central and south county. He attends domestic violence court hearings in north county on another day.

Often when a victim asks for help, outside of CORA, they are handed a daunting list of phone numbers and quickly give up their quest to get out of the abusive relationship. CORA puts a human face on the process, Salinas said.

Many times, victims won't leave their spouse for fear of deportation or lack of economic support. Salinas helps victims get restraining orders and aids the court in processing them so if there is an incident that police have to respond to, the restraining order will already be on file for police officer to reference.

However, a restraining order is only a piece of paper. To earn complete freedom from their abuser, the victim needs to feel safe from deportation and have economic stability. That's where Salinas steps in to sort out the paper work.

Most people don't know they can file for a special visa that protects their status in the United States. He can also help victims obtain child support.

Continued growth

CORA continues to grow and find its niche in the county. It recently hired a clinical director to run therapy sessions with groups and individuals. The organization has also implemented a teen chat room where young people can talk anonymously about domestic violence issues. The program is one of the first of its kind in the United States and is seeing a surprising number of male participants, Lukin said.

Childcare will also be available soon. In a recent survey, clients said the number one reason for not making it to group support sessions was a lack of childcare, Lukin said.

There is still a lot to be done to stop domestic violence, but the important thing for woman to know is that help is available to anyone at anytime.

"It's worse if you don't know help is available. Isolation can be the worst," Lukin said.

For domestic violence help

· CORA 24-hour hotline 1-800-300-1080

· www.CORAsupport.org

· Teen advice at www.teenrelationships.org

· To volunteer call 312-8515

Dana Yates can be reached by e-mail: dana@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 106. What do you think of this story? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com