"Valentine" isn't nearly as horrible as the ads would suggest. That's not to say the movie's good, either.
Simply put, it is what it is. It knows it's a cheesy horror flick and it doesn't try to be anything more. It doesn't take itself too seriously.
And unlike the spate of teen slasher movies and spoofs in recent years, it doesn't have its tongue in cheek or a perfectly made-up eye winking at the camera.
More importantly, it gives the people what they want: Laugh-out-loud cheap scares. Gross-out gore. And did we mention a bikini-clad Denise Richards, sipping champagne in a hot tub?
Richards plays one of a group of young women who grew up together -- all gorgeous, all wearing tight tank tops -- who are the target of a serial killer.
Paige (Richards) is the sex kitten. Kate (Marley Shelton) is sweet and perky. Lily (Jessica Cauffiel) is the funny one. Dorothy (Jessica Capshaw, daughter of Kate) was plump and insecure, but since has blossomed.
They (and a leering police detective) suspect the killer is a nerdy kid they knew from junior high school, whom they consistently rejected and teased at dances. Their cruel treatment of him apparently scarred him for life, and now he sends evil, handmade Valentine's Day cards before picking them off one by one.
Lots of red herrings are thrown our way. Could the killer actually be Adam (David Boreanaz of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel"), Kate's ex-boyfriend and a recovering alcoholic journalist? Could it be Campbell (Daniel Cosgrove, Kelly's lawyer love interest on "Beverly Hills, 90210"),who's staying at Dorothy's family's mansion while he gets his Internet start-up going?
Who cares, really? Just shut your brain off and go with it. Trying to pick apart the inconsistencies is a waste of energy.
It was directed by Jamie Blanks, who also directed "Urban Legend" in 1998. This is much better, if that's any kind of compliment.
Admittedly, there are a few intentionally funny moments that work. The girls ask dumb questions of a police detective (Fulvio Cecere) and he responds with sarcastic zingers. Richards actually looks like she's having fun riffing on her vixen image.
Despite the material, Boreanaz manages to exude the same charm that made him a TV heartthrob, and Shelton is not nearly as annoying here as she was in the recent comedy "Sugar & Spice."
Capshaw comes out the most unscathed, though. She shows intelligence and good timing, and it's too bad that her character wasn't developed more. There's hope for her.
"Valentine," based on the novel by Tom Savage, is rated R for strong horror violence, some sexuality and language. Running time: 95 minutes.<
Please purchase a Premium Subscription to continue reading.
To continue, please log in, or sign up for a new account.
We offer one free story view per month. If you register for an account, you will get two additional story views. After those three total views, we ask that you support us with a subscription.
A subscription to our digital content is so much more than just access to our valuable content. It means you’re helping to support a local community institution that has, from its very start, supported the betterment of our society. Thank you very much!
Only subscribers can view and post comments on articles.
Already a subscriber? Login Here
Join us at the San Mateo Performing Arts Center on May 1 and May 2 at 7:30 PM for a dynamic … Read moreMateo Motion XXII
Come support local artists and small business! Our 3rd annual Spring Studio Sale! Read moreSpring Studio Sale
AMERICAN ROSE SOCIETY Read moreAmerican Rose Society NCNH District Rose Show & Rose Sale
Join us for community fun at the San Mateo Senior Showcase at the San Mateo Senior Center lo… Read moreSan Mateo Senior Showcase
Join us May 9th for the District 4 Toastmasters 2026 Conference - Eras of YOU: Renewing Huma… Read moreDistrict 4 Annual Conference - Eras of YOU Renewing Human Resilience in the Generative AI Era
DavidKristofferson said:
CA Is Burning said:
Thomas Morgan said:
If the $300M+ in capital is funded with debt by the time all is said and done we will pay over $1B when all is said and done.
Dirk van Ulden said:
Jerry, you said it best. Thank you.
Success! An email has been sent to with a link to confirm list signup.
Error! There was an error processing your request.
Sorry, an error occurred.
Already Subscribed!
Cancel anytime
Thank you .
Your account has been registered, and you are now logged in.
Check your email for details.
Submitting this form below will send a message to your email with a link to change your password.
An email message containing instructions on how to reset your password has been sent to the email address listed on your account.
No promotional rates found.
Secure & Encrypted
Thank you.
Your gift purchase was successful! Your purchase was successful, and you are now logged in.
| Rate: | |
| Begins: | |
| Transaction ID: |
A receipt was sent to your email.
(0) comments
Welcome to the discussion.
Log In
Keep the discussion civilized. Absolutely NO personal attacks or insults directed toward writers, nor others who make comments.
Keep it clean. Please avoid obscene, vulgar, lewd, racist or sexually-oriented language.
Don't threaten. Threats of harming another person will not be tolerated.
Be truthful. Don't knowingly lie about anyone or anything.
Be proactive. Use the 'Report' link on each comment to let us know of abusive posts.
PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
Anyone violating these rules will be issued a warning. After the warning, comment privileges can be revoked.