The agony and the ecstasy

Even with the coroner's report in and trials long over, there remains bickering over the actual cause of Irma's death. Was it the MDMA? The copious amounts of water she ingested? Was the pill cut with too much methamphetamine? Yet nothing discounts the bottom line fact that her survival was not helped one bit by a severe lack of response from the parents whose Belmont home hosted Irma's final sleepover.

In one twisted way, the couple is blessed that their teen daughter was held criminally responsible in Irma Perez's passing. Newspapers and juvenile courts withhold names and identifying information about minors; to name the parents is to name their daughter. Just as the couple avoided criminal prosecution for their alleged negligence in their guest's death, they also avoided public shaming.

According to police and court records, on April 23, 2004, the Belmont middle-schooler and two friends each took one Ecstasy pill. Her pals reportedly had tried drugs before but Perez was a novice. Shortly after taking the pill, Perez complained of a headache, dizziness, violent vomiting and a bleeding tongue. She told her sleepover companions she heard herself making "noises like a dead person."

In the early morning, more than five hours later, she was moaning and screaming in agony as her brain swelled, her motor skills failed and eventually she became unresponsive.

Her friends tried to help her by giving her marijuana and a shower. They then called the 17-year-old who sold them the drug and his business partner but nothing helped. Finally, the parents discovered the unfolding tragedy downstairs. An hour later, Imelda Perez was called to the house to pick up her younger sister and asked not to call 911 by the parents of her sister's friend. Days later, her life was over.

In the aftermath, the two girls were ordered to community service, including drug awareness programs and one was told to pen Perez's biography. The boy who sold them the drugs, appeared at the house and told the girls not to call for help was sent to a juvenile camp for an indeterminate time. His adult business partner and the woman who helped hide his drug stash received jail time.

Nothing happened to the family which hosted the fateful sleepover. The legal standard to prove a duty of care and negligence was too high; the bar is lower in a civil suit, possibly giving Imelda Perez one more chance to hold everybody responsible accountable for the loss of her sister.

In the months after Irma Perez died, much was made about teaching children the potential risks of drug experimentation and to be smart enough to do the right thing if something goes wrong. Unsettled debates arose on whether the minors were old enough to know better.

Without a doubt, the parents were.

I've often wondered what those parents were thinking that morning, if they were thinking at all. Did they really think a comatose adolescent would be all right on her own or were they just so keen to remove a potential problem from their home? Nobody suggests those parents knew what the girls were up to that night or condoned the behavior. Nobody has ever said they are without remorse or even generally bad parents.

But, by their actions or lack thereof, those parents disrespected their young guest, her family and the often unspoken promise of care.

Parents and guardians will always worry about what trouble children might get into when they are at friends' homes. They shouldn't have to also agonize about the adults in the home exacerbating the situation. No adult is perfect, but those accepting responsibility of minors under their roof and in their care had better try to be as close to that standard as humanly possible. They must treat those children no different than they would their own.

Those Belmont parents did not kill Irma Perez but they certainly didn't save her, either. Regardless of the lawsuit's outcome, they better think about that every time they allow their own daughter into somebody else's care.

Michelle Durand's column "Off the Beat" runs every Monday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 104. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.