There's something about 'Polly'

His whole life is driven from the statistical probabilities and quantitative possibilities of risk, risk, risk. To him everything can be broken down to that, and his world is a safe, albeit pathetic, place.

Unfortunately, a movie that relies so much on the concept of "risk" takes absolutely none for itself in terms of acting, story or genre. "Along Came Polly" is a complete, shameless rehashing of every other romantic bathroom-humor comedy that Stiller and/or the Farrelly Brothers ("There's something about Mary") have been involved with. It's unsurprising that the writer/director, John Hamburg also directed "Meet the Parents."

The movie starts with Reuben's nuptials, a loud and boisterous Jewish wedding full of broken glasses and joyous shouts of "mazel tov!" The movie's first attempt at humor is an immensely overweight Philip Seymour Hoffman ("Cold Mountain") slipping on the dance floor.

It is not an ominous beginning, to have to rely on something as insipid as that for your first laugh. And it doesn't get much better after that, as every scatological cliché is regurgitated up until its woefully cheesy ending.

After the wedding, Reuben and his wife, Lisa (played annoyingly and cloyingly by "Will & Grace's" Debra Messing) head off to a tropical paradise for their honeymoon. On the very first day of the trip, Lisa hooks up with a sensual and buff French scuba instructor (played by an immensely chiseled Hank Azaria who looks as if he's visited the fountain of THG lately).

Poor Reuben is devastated. After reaching the emotional peak of getting married to his "soul mate," he now hits the lowest of rock bottom. Confused and broken-hearted, he hurriedly leaves the tropics, while Lisa stays behind to be with her newfound Lothario.

Back in the states, Reuben tries to deal with this new turn of events in his life, when he fatefully runs into an old junior high classmate, Polly Prince (Jennifer Aniston). Some minor sparks fly, and they quickly start dating.

Polly is the diametrical opposite of Reuben. She loves to live life without safety, without commitment, structure or planning. Yet somehow their relationship blossoms as they share experiences such as salsa dancing (Reuben can't dance) and culinary adventures to ethnic restaurants (Reuben can't handle spicy food because of irritable bowel syndrome).

The chemistry between Aniston and Stiller is actually decent, and that, folks, is about all that is good with the movie. The rest of the story is a paint-by-numbers romantic comedy affixed (and afflicted with) crude humor from the school of scatology. There's lots of farting, falling and even a ferret named Rodolfo.

Characters remain underdeveloped, like cinematic embryos that refuse to grow into actual three-dimensional lives. Everyone is a caricature, each playing a specific role to inspire a cheap laugh or two to justify the ticket price. Well, the justification doesn't work.

There is a handful of high-level talent, including Azaria, Hoffman, and an over-the-top Alec Baldwin as Reuben's boss. It is a mystery why these fine, nuanced actors, who usually make better movies, chose this hackneyed story. As for Aniston, this isn't that far removed from her experience and performance level on "Friends."

Skip the movie and go rent "There's something about Mary." Both it and "Polly" are of the same ilk and will likely drop your IQ a few points while eroding your sensitivity to vulgarity. However, at least "Mary" can boast an original idea or two. That is most certainly a less risky proposition for getting your money's worth from a film.