Get a grip on gossip

Everybody gossips. It’s a truism, just like everybody eats and everybody pays taxes. Gossip exists in middle school, high school and college, the gym, in line at the DMV, at the dentist, between family members, co-workers and friends. Because gossip is so universal, it’s easy to stop paying attention and have difficulty knowing where to draw the line, or even whether there should be a line at all.

As I see it, gossip contributes to an environment of detachment. As we absorb tantalizing bits about others’ lives, we start to empathize less and assume more. Gossip can be like currency, a way to build one’s social status or even a relationship with someone else by bonding over shared interest. To do so, however, we must dissociate from the troubles discussed. If we don’t, the gossip is no longer casual and easy, the qualities that often make it enjoyable.

Gossip creates an environment of superficiality. The more I gossip, the more I feel I limit myself to surface-level interaction. When attention is paid to only the juicy and exciting bits in others’ lives, genuine interest suddenly disappears. Gossip thus stands in the way of creating more significant relationships, true emotional ties. Morsels of gossip are fads — they’re luminous and involving for a while, then suddenly fade away. Except for those who are directly affected, who may remember being the subject of gossip for years. And as we jump from tidbit to tidbit, we don’t have time to go beyond and empathize.

Even those who set out to be caring and careful get consumed by gossip, because they convince themselves that their words don’t have consequences. I sometimes catch myself falling into this trap: I tell myself that what I say won’t return to the concerned party and it won’t have a long-term effect. This is the pitfall of gossip. Sometimes this proves true, and the matter gets dropped, for whatever reason, no problems arising. At other times, a message carries much farther beyond what was intended, with significant consequences of embarrassment, hurt and bitterness (this, of course, doesn’t refer to gossip that’s intentionally destructive, though that too can quickly outstrip expectations).

A subtler effect of gossip is how it causes people to question themselves, perhaps even in areas of confidence. An otherwise content couple may start to find error in their relationship, having been the subject of gossip — indeed, in particular when it comes to relationships, the nature of gossip requires matters to be easy to understand and break down, to encapsulate in the fleeting seconds during which a message is passed on. And few happenings can be packaged in such a simplistic way, be it a romantic involvement, a friendship on the rocks, a family’s issues, a battle with substance abuse or a person’s struggle with problems in school. Gossip demands that the state of something must fall on one side of the fence — there’s no gray area, only black or white.

If gossip seems to naturally fit into the status quo, why try to create change? Because a few small adjustments can make all the difference. Gossip is like a self-propelled engine, feeding on itself — but this works in reverse, as well, because all it takes is a small shift in the right direction to make a significant improvement. Often, it feels as if "no harm, no foul” is the motto applied to this gossip biz. But this is a speculation that is rarely guaranteed. Removing chance from the equation and taking the initiative to curb gossip, especially the negative kind, is what’s really needed. An extra moment of thought, a mental check-in during a fast-paced social interaction, makes all the difference. Now that’s something worth talking about.

Ari Brenner is a senior at Aragon High School. You can reach Student News at studentnews@smdailyjournal.com.

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