Spring is taking flight with ... As with most reality shows on the Fox network, they are like a bad accident that you can't help but watch. In the case of The Swan, I found myself all too eager to watch the collision over and over. I basically parked on the side of the road with binoculars and a picnic basket because there was no way I was going to miss this blissful catastrophe.
Eighteen women will compete to be completely made over - and I mean completely. This is not a hair and makeup kind of do-over. The women undergo physical training, extensive plastic surgery, therapy and then hair, makeup and wardrobe. They are not allowed to see their own reflection during the three-month long process and are sequestered from their families. Two women complete the process each week and results are revealed to them and to the viewers. A vote is then taken by the "team" who worked on the women and one of the contestants is selected to compete in the final competition at the end of the series to become The Swan.
The transformations are amazing and the women give their interviews and bios in the beginning, expressing their desire to transform their entire lives. I'll give the creators one point for making over the outside to match the beauty of these women on the inside. But how is it decided what they should look like?
They are created to fall into the new tradition of what's beautiful - long hair, toned arms, big lips, a chin - things that are attainable, but not necessarily a necessity. (Well, maybe the chin thing.) It's a battle of one's conscience to watch this show, however. While it can be tear jerking and enjoyable, you cannot help but wonder at whose expense.
Forget me not ... but he did ... Who says a first impression is a lasting impression? Jesse Palmer, quarterback for the New York Giants and latest addition to The Bachelor family, premiered with a bang last Wednesday night. During his first rose ceremony, selecting 15 female contestants to begin his hunt for a perfect match proved to be too difficult a challenge. Names were jumbled and Katie was offered a rose instead of beauty queen (arguable, by the way) Karen. Too many blows to the head on the football field, Jesse? Asking for the rose back, made Bachelor history - if ever there was such a thing. Although Katie was issued a rose purely by accident, she was offered the chance to stay, and did. Hmmm ... I'm a bit weary of her intentions due to that decision. You don't think she just wants to be on television? Alas, a 16th rose was presented to Karen so the beauty queen herself can vie to win the heart of the football jock. I wonder if Jesse will ask Karen to the soda shop for an egg cream after school.
I want "Condi" ...
Last Thursday, Condoleezza Rice provided her scripted testimony in front of the 9/11 Commission and, might I just ask, what the hell was that? Isn't anyone else tired of this reality show yet? Responses and phrases such as "I'm not aware" and "I don't believe" are not exactly what I would call profound evidence and certainly not an admission of guilt. The rhetoric is ridiculous and the audacity of the FCC not to fine Condi's indecency is beyond me. If you're going to interrupt daytime television, at least make it interesting. I'll give her points for knowing her lines, but Condi could benefit from one of the makeover shows herself. Where are the Fab Five from Queer Eye for the Straight-Faced Lie when you need them?
Holy Omarosa, Trumpman ...Omarosa is crazy!
MONDAY... The Swan (FOX, 9 p.m.) You're either going to love it or hate it. Two more women undergo surgery, therapy, physical fitness, hair, make-up and wardrobe. Miss USA (NBC, 9 p.m.) Billy Bush and Nancy O'Dell host the 53rd Annual competition. Ahh, it's good to get back to the original makeover show, isn't it? I Want a Famous Face (MTV, 10:30 p.m.) Someone was bound to want to look like J. Lo, but did I expect it to be a man? Umm, no I didn't. Whatever gets you to your dream, I guess. It just brings a tear to my eye to see how far we've come. The major Monday night line-up, sniffle-sniffle, are programs about looking a certain way to be accepted. It's just beautiful. Not the traditional and unique type of beautiful, but the plucked, waxed, enhanced and highlighted kind of beautiful.
Recommended for you
TUESDAY... Animal Face-Off (Discover, 9 p.m.) This show has recently been brought to my attention, and judging from the concept, I now fear the person who informed me of it! A hippo and a bull shark are pitted against each other, theoretically, and evaluated by a veterinarian and zoologist to see who would be the ultimate champion. What, no makeover for the winner?
WEDNESDAY... Dateline (NBC, 9 p.m.) On the eve of the season finale of The Apprentice, the newsmagazine goes behind the scenes to see how his royal hairiness made looking for a job a whole new phenomenon. Showbiz Moms and Dads (Bravo, 9 p.m.) Series Debut. A new reality series follows stage parents and their journey to making their kids into the next child star. Freaky parents and their freaky kids - I'm in.
THURSDAY... The Apprentice (NBC, 9 p.m.) 2-Hour Live Season Finale. Hair today, but gone tomorrow. Until Trump manages to comb over a new season.
FRIDAY... Dateline (NBC, 8 p.m.) In an effort to overdo it, a further look into The Apprentice, the results and its effects of popular culture. Want to know how it's going to effect pop culture? Omarosa will probably have her own talk show while Trump's hair will be the hottest selling wig next Halloween. (Just a hunch)
SATURDAY... Chris Rock: Never Scared (HBO, 10 p.m.) An all new stand-up routine for the first time in four years. Smart and hilarious.
Quote of the Week
"The sad truth: American television is a much more accurate representation of American tastes and values than Congress could ever be."
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Keep the discussion civilized. Absolutely NO personal attacks or insults directed toward writers, nor others who make comments.
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PLEASE TURN OFF YOUR CAPS LOCK.
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