Another type of loss of a loved one

Perhaps a better source of wonder is how it could be otherwise? The Scott they know and love and raised, one assumes, is not the cad, the adulterer, the killer, the playboy presented to the public since Laci Peterson disappeared. They know the boy who loves golf, who smiles at them from grade school photos, who calls them "mom and dad," who can't possibly be anything like the social pariah he has become.

If they let themselves believe otherwise they have to second-guess everything they thought they ever knew about him, their family and themselves. Without faith in the cornerstones of your life, there is nothing to keep everything else from crumbling into possible lies and deception.

The check is in the mail, the dog ate the homework, a date will call the morning after, a spouse won't raise his fist again, everything will be OK. Sometimes the heartstrings are stronger than any stack of evidence and louder than any closing argument.

The Petersons are not that unique. How is trust in a child different than trust in a god one can't see or belief that every morning will start with the sun rising, the coffee brewing and the car still snug in the driveway? It's just how things are, or how we desperately need them to be.

On Thursday, another family was asked to absorb a blow to their perception of a loved one. The unsolved shooting of Michael Fields, a 37-year-old Belmont stock broker, was ruled a suicide. Fields died Aug. 31 from a shotgun wound to the head while driving down Interstate 280, leading to months of speculation he was the victim of road rage. Now, the rumination is over why the married father of two would want to die and choose to do it in such an odd way.

Was it debt or family trouble? Were there secrets kept or problems that seemed insurmountable? One possibility is he wanted the death never to be classified as a suicide because that excludes his family from ever collecting on life insurance.

Before family members can narrow down the "why" they must first agree with the coroner's conclusion of death. So far, that acceptance seems slow going. Field's wife has publicly denounced the findings as "ludicrous" and the family is not withdrawing a $150,00 reward for information leading to the killer.

I don't know the Fields family or much about Michael. It is a safe bet, though, the Michael Fields they knew and loved was not somebody they'd ever classify as suicidal. Like the Peterson family, the Fields believe they know him better than any police report or forensic findings. Ballistics tests and crime scene re-enactments don't tell the true story of who he was and of what he was capable.

Michael Field's killer may never be found, just like the shadowy figures alleged to have kidnapped Laci Peterson and framed her husband. That doesn't mean either character doesn't exist. They are real to the families, if only as methods to grieve and accept a loss. Sometimes mourning a loved one is easier than the heartbreak of accepting they were never truly known.

Michelle Durand's column "Off the Beat" runs every Monday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 104. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.