No ifs, ands or butts

Last week, in my other identity as a non-column writing straight news reporter, I wrote an article about a county jail inmate who allegedly felt the need to reach out and touch someone — in particular, a female deputy whose, um, assets he claimed were irresistible. The man is now facing a misdemeanor charge of sexual battery for his reported inability to control the need to grope (in addition to his attorney questioning his competency for trial). And I am now facing queries on the word choice in the article.

The e-mail surprised me. I don’t expect readers to kiss my ...er, I don’t expect readers to be over the moon about everything I write but I was frankly confused on why the vocabulary received more concern than the alleged act itself.

At least one reader questioned the word used to describe the particular piece of anatomy mishandled by the inmate. I was asked if I could not have used something a tad more "educated” than "butt.” As I responded, the question was actually raised in the newsroom that day — what is the journalistic style for describing that body part?

Frankly, nothing sounds particularly attractive and the clinical terms don’t quite roll off the tongue. In journalism, particularly in crime and courts coverage, other more personal parts get mentioned often although in the most technical, sterile ways possible. Yet, the gluteus maximus remains a challenge to describe without sounding slightly dorky or borderline dirty.

What is it about that particular area that makes everybody squirm just a little?

And what other word would be preferable?

Despite a recent penchant for swearing on television, the same can’t quite be said about newspapers. There’s something about seeing words in print that is more awkward than hearing even borderline vulgarity on the airwaves. Referencing the anatomical crime scene with any of those terms would really sound uneducated not to mention inappropriate.

As somebody who ekes out a living writing, I understand the fascination with words and the desire to pick out just the right verb, adjective or noun. A phrase can turn on a single word, making a sentence anything from laudatory to desultory, eloquent or nonsensical.

So again, I wonder in this particular instance which word be more palatable.

An Internet search of synonyms turned up other possibilities for the posterior region, although some can’t be reprinted in a family newspaper and some are downright unexplainable. I dare think these don’t sound more educated.

Of course, with the rampant references from rappers, celebrities and others prone to using street slang for that piece of anatomy — particularly when belonging to a female — "butt” seems fairly tame.

But seriously, the aspect of the situation that should be labeled low-brow isn’t the single word choice but the act that sparked the criminal charge and subsequent story. Grabbing a woman’s (fill in the blank with a preferred term) is what is uneducated and worth criticism — not to mention meriting a good and well-deserved butt-kicking on the part of the recipient.

Michelle Durand’s column "Off the Beat” runs every Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached by

e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 102. What do you think of this

column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.