Everyone seems to know former Foster City councilwoman Pam Frisella. But there was a time when she was just known as Danny’s wife. Danny Frisella was a Major League pitcher who spent most of his career with the New York Mets. He was a graduate of Serra High and the school’s baseball stadium is named in his honor. The field is named after Barry Bonds, but that’s another story.
Danny graduated from Serra in 1963. He was a star baseball player there. After a year at CSM and two years at Washington State, he was drafted by the Atlanta Braves but he opted to go with the Mets. His baseball career had its ups and downs (at one point he was cut by the Mets — his competition was Nolan Ryan), until he met Pam. Then, according to her, it was mostly up. They met on a blind date with her sister and her sister’s boyfriend, also a Serra grad. It was love at first sight but they barely had time to know each other before Danny went back to the Mets. The couple married in 1971. Pam was pregnant with their first child when Danny was traded to Atlanta in 1973. In two years, he was traded to San Diego.
The baseball wives hung out together when their husbands were playing away games. But it was a frenetic life. Always on the move and little possibility for a baseball wife to hold a job because her husband was always being traded. Just before opening day, Danny was traded to St. Louis. He had to leave right away but Pam was left to do the packing. They were in St. Louis for two months before he was traded to Milwaukee.
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Danny Frisella was a player on and off the field. He had a positive and joyful attitude toward life. He explained the trades as someone wanting him rather than someone wanting to let him go. When Pam was pregnant with their second child, Danny decided he wanted to play just two more years. Then he and Pam would open a jewelry store in La Jolla. That was their plan, their dream. Danny went off with the store’s owner in the latter’s dune buggy. The buggy hit an obstacle in the sand and Danny was killed. They had been married just six years.
Pam was seven months pregnant when she got the news. Fortunately, her parents were visiting at the time. Her wide network of family, baseball wives and Serra friends came to the rescue. And most important, the Major League Baseball Association took good care of her and her children. Pam found a place to live in Foster City. She moved in on Wednesday and her second child was born on Saturday. That was 37 years ago.
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The way Pam describes Danny is the way I think of Pam — full of life, always smiling, always doing something extraordinary. Before she met Danny, she played women’s professional football in Detroit. Position-defensive safety. She met Father John Kelly at her husband’s funeral. Friends said she had to meet Kelly because he was Danny’s favorite Serra teacher. Kelly became a close friend. Even though Pam was a Lutheran, she became a member of Kelly’s church. He left the church and the priesthood several years later and devoted his life to nonprofit work and helping others. He started Samaritan House. Pam was at his side, helping with fundraisers and organizing volunteers. Through Kelly’s influence and raising her two boys, she had a purpose in life — something for which to live. She realized she didn’t want to be a victim. She wanted to make sure that Danny made the right choice when he married her. Today, Pam is Kelly’s advocate. She makes sure he has the proper medical care, housing and other needs since he suffered a stroke last year. She is by his side as he was by hers after Danny died.
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When she decided to run for City Council in Foster City in 2005 (she has lived in the same house all these years), “I validated that I was Pam Frisella in my own right.” Occasionally, she runs into someone who says, Oh, you’re Danny wife.” But most people just say “Hi, Pam.”
Frisella was termed out in 2013 but does not plan to run again. “Recycling should be left to Recology, not politics,” she explained. However, she is sharing her energy with several nonprofit boards, the Police Activities League and HEART (Housing Endowment And Regional Trust to create more affordable housing the in the county).
Sue Lempert is the former mayor of San Mateo. Her column runs every Monday. She can be reached at sue@smdailyjournal.com.
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Keep the discussion civilized. Absolutely NO personal attacks or insults directed toward writers, nor others who make comments.
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