Barbie 2012

Why not shoot for leader of the free world? At 50, the doll has nary a wrinkle, an endless smile and boundless energy. It’s time for her to party — or, at least pick one. During a 2004 bid for the Oval Office, she claimed to represent the "Party of Girls” and showed her beauty pageant roots by campaigning to create world peace, help the homeless and poor and care for animals.

Six years later, her leanings are a little less clear although there are clues.

She is dressed in a blue suit and sporting a conservative bob a la Hillary Clinton but keeps the impossibly high heels of Sarah Palin. She’s a fan of designer dresses like Nancy Reagan but known as a fashion icon like Jackie Kennedy. And she’s known as a sharp businesswoman — shades of Ross Perot, anyone? — whose line rakes in billions annually. Oh, and she has the one-name recognition usually saved for Obama even if it invokes shades of a recent first lady.

The only geographical area to which she’s shown an allegiance is Malibu, an area currently represented by Democrats on the state and federal levels.

Let’s look at her platforms and no, that doesn’t mean the shoes perfectly matched to an assortment of pink outfits. She’s probably not a big fan of luxury taxes, having amassed an amazing array of mini-mansions and trendy cars. But, as in her prior campaign, she does still harbor a soft spot for animals as evidenced by a menagerie of dogs, kittens, horses and even a panda, lion cub and a zebra. She’s also big on family, having mothered kid sister Skipper for years, and is probably pretty pro-health care reform from her turns as a nurse in 1961, a surgeon in 1973, a doctor in 1988, a pediatrician in 1994 and a baby doctor in 2008.

She’s got to be pro-space program — what former astronaut wouldn’t be? — and really into education so that future generations of little girls don’t find math quite so hard.

Whether Barbie makes a viable candidate remains to be seen. The Bratz crowd may find her too stodgy; the Happy to Be Me group might be off-put by her buxom figure and come-hither fashions. Conservatives may worry she is a poor role model for the American Girls although there are worse things to emulate than a presidential hopeful.

Barbie should hold her own if she squares off with somebody like G.I. Joe for the main prize in politics. Sure, Joe has the camo but nobody can argue Barbie would be a commander in chief without experience. She served as an Army officer in  1989 and 1992, an Air Force jet pilot in 1990, an officer for both the Navy and Marine Corps in 1991 and a paratrooper in 2000. Take that John McCain!

Her perfectly rooted hair will never require a $400 haircut and she already comes with a pretty good wardrobe.

But Barbie isn’t without some questionable ties. She obviously has corporate interests and Mattel is, in fact, working with the White House Project to promote her candidacy.

There are those who will say she is plastic and others who chalk her hourglass figure to enhancement surgery and eating disorders.

She will also have to explain why in 2004 she split with Ken after 43 years of dating. Those sketchy Earring Magic Ken days could have something to do with it — not to mention why they never married — but it will all come out in the first batch of mudslinging ads. Thankfully, after a brief dalliance with Australian boogie boarder Blaine, Ken and Barbie reconciled in 2006.

Hopefully, he is ready to be First Man just as Barbie is ready to move into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

After centuries of male leadership, it’s about time a woman kept this country on its toes — even if they’re attached to perpetually arched feet.

Michelle Durand’s column "Off the Beat” runs every Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached by e-mail: michelle@smdailyjournal.com or by phone: (650) 344-5200 ext. 102. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: letters@smdailyjournal.com.