ESPN’s wacky world of sports

And that’s how you end up watching jai alai, fling golf, marble racing and polo — the horse-and-rider, hit-a-little-ball kind.

In an example of life imitating art, ESPN, several years ago, introduced “ESPN Ocho,” which was first spoofed in the Vince Vaughan-led movie, “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story” in 2004. It was “The Ocho” that was broadcasting the world dodgeball championship tournament in the film.

A few years later, ESPN actually found content — obscure, ludicrous, “That’s a sport?” content — and would run the video of those sports on one of outlet’s platforms, calling it “The Ocho.”

Originally, it would be just for a weekend, but as ESPN has slashed budgets, its looking for dirt-cheap programming to fill time slots.

I mean, when the outlet’s dozens of talking-heads programming isn’t on.

More and more ESPN is broadcasting these “unique” sports.. Are you familiar with Teqball? a combination of soccer on a convex ping-pong table? What about Fling golf? It’s like regular golf, but players use a specialized driver head with a cup on one end and a whippy shaft that the players whip, or fling, from the tee box. Once on the green, they turn the head around and it becomes a putter.

What about OmegaBall? A soccer game that features three team playing on a round field. This past weekend, I watched a few minutes of “Jelle’s Marble Runs” for the first time since the pandemic shutdown five years ago.

Monday night, I was flipping through channels when I got to the ESPN bank of programming. On one of them was the 2024 US polo national championships, or something like that. Didn’t really pay attention. But it dawned on me that I don’t think I had ever watched or even seen an actual polo match. Obviously, I’ve heard of the sport and the usually upper-crust, wealthy fans who watch and participate, but I had never actually sat down to watch a match.

OK. I’m in — for a few minutes, anyway. It wasn’t as silly as I thought it would be and watching those horses? They were the stars of the show. They understand that they want possession and control of the ball and they act accordingly. These animals were extremely agile and were conscious in how they were playing the game.

I certainly didn’t learn anything about the sport from the announcers, who you could tell were playing to those in the polo know. But the basic of the game is to hit the ball between the two stakes for goals. As for the rest of it, couldn’t really tell you. I did learn each stanza of the game is called a “chukker” and there were six of them. It also appeared that after every goal scored, the teams switched sides of the field? All I know is I saw one team score into one goal and that same team, moments later, was scoring a goal going the other way.

In the end, any time there is a winner and a loser, any time there are people competing against once another, you can put it on television and someone will watch.

***

The Menlo College men’s soccer team is off to a flying start as the school’s athletic program embarks on its inaugural season as an NCAA Division II member.

Menlo competed at the NAIA level until spending the last two seasons as a probationary Division II member before earning full-time status for the 2025-26 season.

This week saw the Oaks earn a lot of respect. Monday, it was announced Menlo’s senior striker, Isak Haukefaer, was named PacWest player of the Week and the Oaks were named PacWest Team of the Week as they improved to 4-0 with a pair of wins last week.

Early Tuesday afternoon, Haukefaer was named the Division II Conference Information Directors Association’s National Player of the Week after the Norway native scored five goals on six shots in a 4-3 win over Jessup University-Rockin and notched a hat trick in s 5-3 victory over CSU Monterey Bay.

That barrage of goals moved Haukefaer into fourth all-time on the Menlo goal scoring list with 22.

Later Tuesday afternoon, the Oaks earned their first-ever Division II national ranking as the United Soccer Coaches Poll Division II had them at No. 19 in the country.

***

The football season is only about a month old, but the basketball season is not too far away.

While the high school hoops season doesn’t begin practice until the end of October, NBA training camp is just a few weeks away and the college season will be here before you it, as well.

In fact, the College of San Mateo men’s and women’s basketball programs already has its first event of the season scheduled with the second annual “Bulldog Madness” season kick-off party.

The event — scheduled for 6 p.m. to 9 p.m. Oct. 10 at College Heights Arena on the CSM campus — will serve as a fundraiser and as a way to introduce the 2025-26 men’s and women’s teams to the community.

The event will feature games between this year’s teams against program alumni, along with a dunk and 3-point contest.

For more information and to buy tickets, go to www.csmbulldogs.com.

Nathan Mollat has been covering high school sports in San Mateo County for the San Mateo Daily Journal. since 2001. He can be reached by email: nathan@smdailyjournal.com.