Boys will be boys?

Kathleen Parker, syndicated columnist and author of the book, "Save the Males,” must have been thinking about this when she lamented in one of her columns that President Obama appointed a White House Council on Women and Girls but did not do the same for men and boys. And yet, as she wrote, "…boys in this country are in far graver danger than girls in nearly every measurable way ... . Boys won’t be equal to girls if we don’t focus our resources on their needs and stop advancing the notion that girls are a special class deserving special treatment.”

We must face the fact that, in general, young boys are not as mature as girls of the same age, and often are not as ready to sit still, pay attention and tackle academics in school. In general, they are more visually oriented (girls more verbally) which tips the scales in favor of girls in the way our educational system is set up. It starts early. As Richard Whitmire wrote in his new book, "Why Boys Fail,” "Preschools today are confronted with challenges first graders faced 20 years ago. On the surface that makes sense, but educators are overlooking the fact that young boys aren’t wired for early verbal challenges.”

Boys act out more from lack of bonding and family dysfunction. Boys are much more likely to drop out of school, abuse drugs, commit suicide and get involved in criminal activity. Isn’t this evidence that we haven’t been sensitive to their needs? Boys are more susceptible to absorbing messages from the media — especially that men are one or more of the following: idiots, violence obsessed, crude, ignorant, clueless, narcissistic, sex fiends, mindless and shallow. They are glued more tightly to all kinds of electronic devices. "Youths spend more hours with the computer, television, video games, texting and music than an adult spends full time at work. The only media they aren’t soaking up are print publications. These kids earn average to poor grades — are more likely to get in trouble and said they are often sad.” — San Francisco Chronicle (Jan. 21).

Yes, boys are not like girls, and why should they be? Shouldn’t we appreciate and cultivate the unique characteristics of each? If we would have realized long ago what was happening to boys as a result of the women’s movement and cultural influences, we may have come up with a list something like the following:

1). Boys shouldn’t be expected to be like girls, but should be appreciated for their own unique characteristics. As Michael Gurian wrote in "The Minds of Boys,” "Our civilization can now see plainly and understand fully how gender — maleness and femaleness — happen in the brain and can put to rest the idea that humans can, should or need to reengineer the brain into whatever our recent educational institutions or ideologies want it to be.”

2). Boys should be helped to grow into well-functioning men by providing good role models at home, at school, and in the media.

3). Schools should be set up to honor boys’ characteristics as much as girls, even if single sex classes would be needed. Boys are endowed with "furious boy energy that warrants respect.” (Gurian)

4). For boys who are not very academically inclined we must provide education related to their interests and abilities.

"We’re rushing kids through their childhood, as the pace to keep up and compete with one another increases. The world is moving faster and we all feel it. The stress of our high expectations trickles down, and our young boys often feel it the most.” —  Anthony Rao, Ph.D., "The Way of Boys.”  

Since 1984, Dorothy Dimitre has written close to 500 columns for various local newspapers. Her e-mail address is gramsd@aceweb.com.