Is Juvenile Hall a pre-school for prison?

First let me say, I'm no angel. I make mistakes, but then who doesn't? I am trying to make some positive changes in my life and learn from the mistakes I make. As a result of these mistakes, I am in the Juvenile Justice System. From time to time I am a guest of the San Mateo County "Hillcrest" Juvenile Hall.

It is important to note, when I am a guest at the Hillcrest, it is not without cost. My parents pay about $68 a night for me to be there. I fully realize being in Hillcrest is not supposed to be like staying at a Ritz Carlton Hotel. It is supposed to be an experience to cause me to reflect on choices I've made and learn from my mistakes. I sincerely endeavor to use that time as it is intended. In this vein I'd like to recount the experiences of my most recent visit.

When I arrived a little after midnight, I was "booked in" and taken to my room. The first thing I noticed was some sticky substance on the floors and walls. The next thing I noticed was the overwhelming stench of urine. I politely requested of the staff, that they at least crack my window to allow some ventilation.

The heat was sweltering and the tart odor of urine was making me nauseous. After hearing my request, the staff refused to address my request, shut my door and ignored me. I don't know how or when I finally fell asleep. When I woke up the next morning, I was covered with ants and spiders. In the light of day, I could clearly see that the sticky substance on the floor and walls was urine. I requested a mop so that I could at least mop the floor. This too, was denied. I spent the next 3 days under these conditions.

Here is where I need some help in cataloging this experience. How I characterize the times I have spent at Hillcrest and what I take away from it, will no doubt determine the course my life will take. So, I've been looking at my time spent as an effort to correct my behavior and cause me to more carefully analyze my choices. Yet, when I attempted to interact politely with society and be responsible for my environment and surroundings, once again I met with failure. Maybe I'm looking at this the wrong way? If Juvenile Hall is like a pre-school for prison, then maybe I should take the approach that whatever doesn't kill me, only makes me stronger?

Right now? I could go either way. If I'm treated as less than an animal, no doubt I'll live up to those expectations. If however, I'm given the opportunity to change and am rewarded for making correct choices, I'll probably make correct choices more often. I am sure I'll make mistakes, I'm 15, and it's what we do. I am at least trying. I haven't given up on myself. It would be a shame if society gave up on me.

Jon Romeyn

San Mateo