Growing old gracefully?

I did know that there were people I knew who had grown old in the way I would like to emulate and others who made me wonder if they realized that things could have been much different. As Eda LeShan wrote in her provocative book, “Oh, to be 50 Again!”: “There is nothing wonderful about getting old. No matter how well preserved you may be, no matter how healthy and active, no matter if we are fulfilling our dreams and are happier than we’ve ever been before, the simple fact is that we are in the last third or quarter of our lives and for the first time we are faced with a reality that we can’t work our way out of, or buy our way out of — no matter how noble or creative or beautiful or kind we may be, old age is the time when we begin to understand that we each have a terminal disease. We caught it the moment we were conceived.” Ah, reality! Hits you sometimes like a ton of brick! Bummer! At my age, I’m wondering if it’s best to remain in denial.

Is it possible to experience old age without succumbing to despair? As with any of life’s ordeals, we want to make the best of it by rolling with the punches if possible and continuing to grow and change. We want to continue to be respected, to feel we are making even a small difference in the world and still have a purpose in life. The prerequisite to all of this is our own attitude. Barring some serious health problem, we have a choice. We can choose to sit in our rocking chair, firmly nailed to the past and stagnation, or actively rock in the direction of continued personal growth, and rewarding relationships.

A friend, on her 75th birthday, when some tactless person asked her how it felt to be old, cracked, “I’m not old. I’m ripe!” She smoothed her shirt over her ample bosom and laughed. Her looseness about living, her ability to laugh at herself and the human condition have supported her for a long time and are continuing to serve her well into her later years. The “ripe” woman is open and flexible. Her looseness about living, her ability to laugh at herself and the human condition have supported her for a long time and are continuing to serve her well.

As the old saying goes, life can begin at 40, (or 50 or even later). It often depends upon the choices we make. Gail Sheehy, author of “Pathfinders,” in describing aging, wrote: “Like a dance of brilliant reflections on a clear pool, well-being is a shimmer that accumulates from many important choices made over the years by a mind that is not often muddled by pretense or ignorance and a heart that is open enough to sense people in their depths and to intuit the meaning of most situations.”

So now, with another birthday looming next week, I keep trying to emulate the whistler. I certainly am ripe! But sometimes it’s hard to face reality! Instead of dwelling on Ms. LeShan’s predictions, I’d rather go along with Gail Sheehy and keep in mind those reflections, and, if at all possible, continue in the attempt to ripen in a more positive way.

A few years later, Ms. LeShan wrote in “It’s Better To Be Over the Hill than Under It”: “I’m not so crazy as to be so accepting of aging that I might write a book called, ‘Oh, To Be Ninety, at Last!’ but I have learned to accept exactly where I am.” Good luck to all of us!

I wonder if Jon Carroll has come across Ashleigh Brilliant’s quips: “Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.” and “Enjoy yourself while you’re still old.”

(This column is dedicated to all of the nice people I’ve met at San Bruno Senior Center, including the hard-working staff, the volunteers and also other friends and relatives who fit the category).

Since 1984, Dorothy Dimitre has written more than 700 columns for various local newspapers. Her email address is gramsd@aceweb.com.