Deep loss still stings

On the night of Sept. 17, Redman got a call telling her to rush to San Francisco General Hospital where her son was being transported in an ambulance.

"I was told I needed to get to the hospital right away. I knew in my heart he was gone," Redman said.

Her son had just turned 21. On his last night before being killed, he watched Giants slugger Barry Bonds launch himself into the history books by knocking his 700th home run.

In the days following Griffith's death, his mother went numb. She is the matriarch of a large circle of family and friends she is accustomed to taking care of. Typically, the family relies on her in times of crisis or need.

Her world collapsed that night and simple tasks such as filling a prescription at Safeway became a daunting experience.

"I am not used to turning to others for help. But I learned it was OK to ask for help. And people all around me were there for support. They wanted to help and part of the grieving for us all was to let others take care of me," Redman said.

On Thanksgiving morning, a group of 20 or so descended on Griffith's makeshift memorial in San Francisco where he was killed. They then drove to Palo Alto where is ashes are kept at Alta Mesa Memorial Park. Later that night, for the first time in years, Redman joined her son Josh to have Thanksgiving with her ex-husband.

"Why not?" she asked. "The problems in the past seem so trivial now."

Her initial feelings after her son's death were to find his killer and bring him to justice. That anger subsided slightly when the main suspect in the case was apprehended Oct. 1.

Rafael Antonio Cuevas was arrested at a Mexico border crossing in Nogales, Ariz. Cuevas surrendered to authorities and was returned to San Francisco where he was on the city's 10 most wanted fugitive list.

Cuevas' attorney, Jim Collins, hinted the altercation between the two groups was more heated than initially reported.

After the game at about 10 p.m., Timothy Griffith and friend Carlos Ortega allegedly bumped into a car that Cuevas and a few other Hispanic men were sitting in. Cuevas' group then allegedly emerged from the car and followed Griffith and Ortega. Ortega was beaten unconscious while trying to defend his friend. Griffith was stabbed in the heart.

"Cuevas' attorney sounds like he's going for self defense in the case," Redman said. "I don't know how you can stab someone six times and call that self defense."

In preliminary hearings, Redman and her family assemble in court with Cuevas' family. There have been no exchanges between the two families and eye contact is avoided.

"I watched [attorney] Jim Collins rubbing Cuevas' back to console him. But I can't do that. My son is not here," she said. "Life is never going to be the same for his family either."

Redman is scheduled to appear again in court Jan. 13. It is expected the case will take more than a year to settle.

"I will be there. I will be Timothy's face in that court room," she said.

A short time after Timothy's death, Redman got a card in the mail from a San Francisco police officer offering condolences. The officer was with Griffith in the ambulance and wrote to Redman that her son died peacefully there.

"It was so touching for the officer to do that," Redman said.

Timothy was well loved.

His mother and family have gotten hundreds of cards from well wishers since Timothy's death. Friends painted likenesses of Timothy and the makeshift memorial in San Francisco is constantly updated with fresh flowers and baseball caps.

The Giants even dedicated a game to Timothy a week after his death. The team gave Redman dozens of free game tickets and donated Giants jerseys for pallbearers to wear at Timothy's funeral.

Redman has started a Web site in her son's honor. She has a new purpose in life and intends to keep the memory of her son alive.

The entire family is in therapy and grief counseling has been a big part of the mourning process. Redman even plans to reach out to other families who experienced similar losses.

"I'm not sure how I'm going to do it. But I would like to have a vigil for other families to come together and share their grief," she said.

Redman is not so numb anymore. Her loss is significant, but she's already reaching out to others to offer support.

"I feel compelled," she said.