Thanksgiving is for connection, not connectivity

Be a better conversationalist

Good conversation is not about talking more but about listening better. Start by asking questions that invite stories, not quick answers, quips and one-liners. Let people finish their thoughts before you respond. When it’s time to respond, ask questions, then look for deeper meaning or better understanding.

If you struggle with being a good, engaged, active listener, there’s time to practice if you start now. Think like a journalist; find out who, what, when, where and why, and try to dig a little deeper when someone is telling you their story. There’s no need to share a parallel narrative; there’s time for your story later. Just ask them questions. Truly listen to their answers and ask follow-up questions.

When one person listens with intention, it sets the tone for everyone else. This Thanksgiving, try to be the spark that reminds others how good it feels to be heard.

Keep your phone out of reach and turn televisions off so you can give real attention to life unrolling around you with your loved ones. Do it with intent, and if you can, encourage friends and family to do the same.

Combat doomscrolling on the holidays

The easiest way to get people off their phones is to get them into the moment. Give everyone a role or a fun challenge that suits them. Extroverts get jobs they like, while introverts can be assigned quieter jobs.

Have two or three family members go head-to-head on appetizers or pies to see who makes the best of the best. Ask them ahead of time to bring printed copies of their recipes to share. Allow people to vote on their favorites if you like, for even more fun.

Put someone else in charge of drinks, such as pie-flavored mocktails, classic punch or a creative cocktail menu. Keep the energy light, friendly and engaging. The faux bartender should be someone who will enjoy the job and keep it moving along with the dinner.

Don’t forget the kitchen; let everyone contribute in their own way. Have the men set the table or wash the dishes. Encourage someone to teach the kids how to fold napkins creatively, and ask your grandparents to polish silverware or glassware. It is not about the chores but about building shared moments in the process.

Change up the seating at the dinner table, too. Put people next to someone they do not live with to spark a new conversation and get the conversation flowing across the table. It breaks old habits and gets everyone talking to someone new.

Linger at the table. Do not give in to the one who starts clearing plates before the conversation is over. Pour another cup of coffee, refill a few glasses and relax. If it takes six hours to make the meal, you have earned at least an hour just to sit and be present.

Encourage remember-when conversations, but keep them kind. Share funny family stories like the year the dog ate the Christmas stockings, not the ones that sting. It is about recalling joy, not rehashing old arguments or embarrassing anyone.

After dinner

Bring out the games. Have a small table off to the side somewhere for people to play at. You will always have a few reluctant players, but there is usually someone who cannot resist a challenge.

Try Scrabble, chess or cribbage, or teach the kids a new/old card game. Create a mini tournament to crown a Thanksgiving Game Champ, who will keep the title until next year. It is a great way to mix generations and laughter. You don’t need a prize other than bragging rights.

If someone has recently been on a trip, ask them to prepare a short slideshow of their favorite five photos. Keep it brief and upbeat. It is a fun way to share memories without losing the crowd’s attention, and it can even inspire future travel ideas.

Pull out a real camera and take family photos. They don’t have to be perfect, just quick shots to capture the memories. If you have one not connected to the internet, leave it out for everyone to use and ask them to take photos whenever they feel like it.

Dessert time

Serve dessert later in the evening, after the table has been cleared, leftovers have been packed away and the kitchen has been reset. Waiting an hour or two gives everyone time to relax and make room for pie.

Pour some wine or brew a fresh pot of coffee, and elect someone to cut the pies and desserts. Pass around smaller slices so everyone can sample more than one flavor, and bring out a few leftover treats from earlier in the day. Dessert deserves its own moment, one that feels like a second gathering, slower and definitely sweeter than the first.

The point of it all

Thanksgiving is not about perfection; it is about people. The food, the games, the laughter and the small talk that turns into something bigger are the real gifts. Technology connects us constantly, but it can’t replace the experience of being together in the same room. Even the family members who complain will one day realize just how special those times were.