Helping create community in San Mateo County

Last year, the county was the first in the United States to declare loneliness a public health issue, calling it a “growing crisis” affecting 45% of residents. The county allocated $1 million for anti-loneliness programs to address the problem, funding projects such as peer counseling, pet therapy and conferences. 

But experts claim loneliness goes beyond clinical interventions. Lee Pullen, San Mateo County Health’s director of Disability and Aging Services, points out that being lonely is not the same as having depression. He cites the U.S. Administration for Community Living’s definition of loneliness as an “unpleasant and subjective feeling due to the perceived lack of social connection.”

For Pullen, a person’s environment might cause them to feel lonely, a feeling that a prescription or medication cannot resolve. The lack of belonging can lead someone to withdraw from previous social connections.

“Assuming that they want to have those connections, what’s causing them not to be able to have those connections and feel lonely?” Pullen said. “And so again, a mood pill might make you feel somewhat better, but it’s not going to get at the root cause of your loneliness.”

While the county offers continuous support, community members see loneliness rooted in the lack of spaces where people can find groups that share their passions. 

“It’s kind of scary to go out and meet new people and put yourself out there like that,” Michelle Slaughter, co-owner of the board game venue Plucky’s Cafe, said. “So, I think that’s probably a big part of it.”

Slaughter’s cafe opened in Burlingame in April 2024. A board gamer herself, the San Mateo resident co-founded the space with her mother, hoping other gamers would find “people that have similar interests.”

“Board gaming isn’t as mainstream as, say, going outdoors or [rock] climbing, but there’s still a very large community of gamers and just people who, if they did try, would really love it,” Slaughter said. “I do think that it’s something that could generate more interest than it necessarily has in the past.”

The cafe offers an extensive list of board games categorized by complexity, number of players and typical playing time. Slaughter said there is a game for everyone, regardless of their experience or familiarity with board game dynamics.

While some find connection indoors through hobbies like board games, others find community in nature and the outdoors. 

Mike Kahn from Pacifica lists all local environmental adventures on his website “Explore Local Nature.” What started as a passion project for events became a one-stop shop “for people doing all kinds of things” in nature and outdoor recreation.

He developed the website early this year, initially covering Pacifica. He fully launched it in the spring after receiving positive feedback from his neighbors. The San Mateo County Parks Foundation works with him as a sponsor, supporting their initiative focused on park education and conservation.

Explore Local Nature aggregates opportunities such as guided hikes, walks, surfing, volunteer events like beach cleanups and grassland restoration, and other ways to enjoy nature, including birdwatching and photography tours. 

He said that attending these events and spending time outdoors with others can be “disarming.”

“There’s so much magic [around nature],” Kahn said. “[People are] bringing down some of their shields and lowering their barriers. People are more relaxed, and you’re more off of the phone in general.”

Even for smaller, more niche interests, a quick internet search reveals existing communities in San Mateo County. For example, the Japanese language exchange group Oshaberi San Mateo meets weekly to make new friends and share stories while improving Japanese speaking proficiency.

Millbrae resident Nick Lee is among the members who recently became a host during the weekly sessions. He learned Japanese in college and, after visiting Japan, wanted to immerse himself further in the language. He previously joined language groups in Mountain View and San Francisco but stayed with Oshaberi for its “laid-back” dynamic.

The word “oshaberi” means “chatting” in Japanese. The group formed early last year and meets weekly at the Millbrae Library and the Hillsdale Shopping Center’s food court. In addition to practicing Japanese speaking and writing, they host potlucks, eat out and learn about Japanese art and culture, such as origami.

“When I first joined, I didn’t exactly feel at home, but I felt comfortable that I was able to exchange with people, other people that were also learning Japanese, or were actually from Japan as well,” Lee said. “I’m pretty grateful for this group.”

Lee said finding a community like Oshaberi San Mateo is “affirming.” He compared the experience to playing video games, where he and others enjoy working toward a shared objective while deepening their bond and learning together.

Despite the availability of groups and communities across the county, some residents may still feel discouraged from joining. Many group leaders believe that making spaces more inclusive and inviting could help reach more people.

For Kahn, a group’s culture is a significant factor for new members seeking friends. He said that creating opportunities for people to talk about themselves can help them find others they connect with or share similar personalities.

Lee encourages having a friend accompany someone when joining new communities or spaces so that first meetings feel less intimidating.

“If you’re scared of going alone, try getting some friends to go with you,” Lee said. “That might help with overcoming the nervousness.”