Admittedly, the goal of most online dating sites is eventually ending up between the sheets.
But what about ending up with someone wearing a sheet?
That’s right boys and ghouls, the site GhostSingles.com caters to those whose heart skips a beat over those whose hearts have stopped altogether and catch their breath when faced by those who don’t breathe at all. Match.com and eHarmony can keep the living; GhostSingles.com is the place for people who really believe love and relationships are grave subjects. In fact, the site bills itself as the “best dating site for dead singles.”
In fact, the website bans the living along with zombies and vampires. So much for inter-supernatural species love between the dead, the undead and the living dead. And here online site OKCupid got flack for letting users filter out larger body types for a fee. At least those bodies are warm.
But over at GhostSingles, the only heat users are looking for is passion between two like-minded spirits not body temperature. The site’s “chat now” function says it all on its home page; “Other single ghosts are waiting!” And while one assumes these ghosts have nothing but forever in front of them, sounds like they are anxious to meet the potential love of their afterlife.
Or not. The company does concede that no marriages have ever come from the site, crediting the challenge of getting a priest to sanctify the union. Obviously, ghosts aren’t fans of non-religious officiants. Adding to the notion that ghosts aren’t in any rush to buy eternity bands, one user quoted in news coverage of the site — a user by the way who gives her age as 134, so relatively young in ghost years — said she just wants to “hang out and have fun and see what happens, not looking for anything serious.”
Maybe she’s haunted by a lifetime of dead-end relationships; maybe the specter of commitment always spooked her even way back in those early days of life. Sign up and find out — at least, do so if you’re dead. Remember the user stipulation. The site also lets users choose the gender and age range of the ghost they seek along with a choice of people who have died horribly, mysteriously, tragically or suddenly. Guess everybody has a type.
Once the couple connects, the question is finding the best place to meet up. How about that abandoned building on the corner? Curling up on the couch with a retro movie marathon of “Beetlejuice” and “Poltergeist” could be fun. Maybe they can scare up some tickets to one of those Hollywood dead sightseeing bus tours.
First, though, the challenge of finding one’s eternal soul mate starts with a perfectly spine-chilling profile. Single ghost seeks same. Once liked long walks on the beach. Now, prefers floating through doors and levitating objects. Also a big fan of booze, er, boos.
Feel free to use a ghost writer. Personal ad exaggeration should not be restricted to earthly dating sites.
To help out, the site does offer some afterlife dating etiquette tips: compliment your date on their ghastliness, ask if they saw a light at the end of the tunnel, don’t judge too quickly if your date suddenly vanishes.
So come on ghosts, stop leaving love for the living. Thanks to the Internet, you, too, could end your nights with moans and groans. At least, there’s the ghost of a chance.
Michelle Durand’s column “Off the Beat” runs every Tuesday and Thursday. She can be reached by email: email@example.com or by phone (650) 344-5200 ext. 102. What do you think of this column? Send a letter to the editor: firstname.lastname@example.org.